Let him rest, Heaven blessed

My uncle died. He was the youngest of the six siblings on my dad's side. We weren't expecting it. He had had some health problems, but we didn't know how bad. I don't think he knew. It's been a sad two days. I didn't know him very well, and most of my memories of him are from when I was little. He gave me a Furbie when I was eleven or so. I was staying with him and his family in Omaha, where they lived at the time. He was loud and funny and always the life of the party every Christmas and Thanksgiving. I guess I'm holding up ok. I didn't know him that well in recent years. But inside I feel all tumultuous and confused and sad. Really confused. It's so senseless and heartbreaking and it shouldn't have happened to him. I broke down earlier today while I was driving. I guess it hit me that Uncle Jeff died. He was so young. He wasn't perfect, but he had such a big heart and always meant to do the best he could. And things were just starting to look up for him. Things were finally righting themselves. I hope he has peace.

Wild Oates

Today has been great: I got to be an extra in the movie that Tom and Zan are making! It's so nice to feel like I have time to help with creative projects instead of being slavishly tied to hours and hours of reading/writing everyday. And the movie looks so good! I've seen some of the dailies and I think it's going to be really awesome and funny. Plus I got to spend about four hours around Zan that I otherwise would have spent organizing clothes and books, which is always nice. The main character of the movie is named Dr. Oates, if you were wondering about the title of this post.

As far as organizing/moving goes, it's amazing how at home I already feel in the townhouse. I've put on the Travel Channel or HGTV and unpacked tons of boxes. I love cooking lunch in the kitchen with Anthony Bourdain to keep me company. I only have a few items left to move tonight (TV, box fan, lamp) and then I'm out of my old house for good! It's a little sad-- so much has happened this past year-- but I'm also so excited to start living here. I've really adored this place since we bought it four years ago and I just feel so comfortable. Like I belong here.

At the same time, I've felt a little reflective these past few days about life, in sort of a melancholy way. I've been really happy lately, what with classes ending, Disney World, moving to a lovely new home, but there are other things, too. I worry about what comes next, what will my life look like in a year. About how I believe in some sort of fate, but I also believe we have a hand in making our own destiny. About how no matter what I can make lemonade, but the lemons hurt. Maybe really, I'm realizing how important some things seem, but how in reality the world is incredibly vast and so much potential exists-- things about which I've never dreamed. I'm learning that I like helping people I care about no matter how large or small the task, that I always have time for friends when they need me no matter how busy I think I am. I am learning this year to go with the flow, to let go of the white-knuckle grip that I hold onto life with, to let life tell me what it wants sometimes instead of always demanding things from it. But I'm still the girl who wants to know the end of the story before she feels like she can relax a bit and enjoy it; I guess, then, what I need to do is learn to let go of fear so that I have the chance to wholeheartedly plunge into everyday.

I also know, in the words of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, "Everything happens."
Here's to hope. :)



(photo from Miss Domm, banners can be found here)

With the Mouse

If this was the kick-off to the rest of my life, it started wonderfully: I got a 4.0 GPA this semester (an "A" in Comparative Race Relations!!!), and I spent this past week in Disney World with one of my best friends, Emily. This was the second time that I've gotten to see her in the past year, which is really quite a lot considering I usually see her once a year at best! We met up at the Orlando airport on Monday, hopped our Magical Express bus, and we were on our way to the Yacht Club!

Then an interesting thing happened: As we walked in the doors of the lobby, this very awkward but enthusiastic guy about our age asked us our last name, walked us to the check-in counter, then disappeared through a door. About two minutes later he reappeared with several other cast members carrying balloons. Emily and I assumed it must be someone's birthday, but he came to us! Apparently, we were the Yacht Club Family of the Day!!! This meant that we got a free upgrade to the concierge level, which meant loads of free food in the lounge, free soda, wine, beer, desserts, continental breakfast, and the best view ever from our room. We could see the entire Boardwalk, plus a brilliant view of the Epcot fireworks. Which we enjoyed immensely on our last night as we sat on our veranda munching on our free desserts. Our free food included duck quesadillas, crab rangoon, chicken satay skewer things, bacon-wrapped scallops, goat cheese and crackers, and caramel apple dippers. We also got a certificate, and Emily and I decided that, though we had always been friends, this certificate marked the day we became family :).

Also, I told the guy where I was from, and apparently his whole family went to W&M or worked in CW, which helped explain his awkwardness.



The rest of the trip was wonderful, too, of course. We saw the "Wishes" fireworks at the Magic Kingdom (and laughed as some woman bemoaned the crowds by declaring that it was a fire hazard... outdoors). We rode Soarin' and got Peach Schnapps Oolong Tea at China. We saw a lost duckling in the pool and tried to steer him towards his mother. We played a lovely round of mini-golf at Fantasia Gardens: I got two holes in one! We got manicures and pedicures at the Mandara Spa, and we ate at Sci-Fi Diner at Hollywood Studios. Rockin' Roller Coaster was closed, but we rode The Great Movie Ride and Tower of Terror. They were gearing up for Star Wars Weekends there, so we of course rode Star Tours and shopped for Star Wars gear. On the last day, when Emily had left and my mom had arrived, I saw Mickey as a Jedi, Minnie as Princess Leia, and Donald as a Storm Trooper.

Getting to see my mom was wonderful! We had a very relaxing afternoon together, walking the World Showcase, watching Impressions de France and riding Maelstrom, getting Italian Margaritas, and playing the "Kim Possible Challenge" in the Japanese pavilion (though we had a bit of trouble finding the Zen Garden to activate our first clue). We had dinner at the French pavilion and Ratatouille came around to each table (he was really a little animatronic rat, not a person in costume!) and I spoke broken French to our waiter.

The best part of it all, though, was getting to see Emily for a few days. We always fall back in so easily together-- I am so incredibly grateful to have her as my friend. And I think my body really enjoyed not sitting at a computer all day, or sitting reading all day. It felt nice to walk everywhere, and even though my feet hurt every night and I was sweaty and sticky during the day, I felt so healthy and happy! I think I want to keep that up.

I'm back home now, and happy to be here. I read The Golden Compass on the plane and finished it this morning, and it felt so lovely getting to read fiction again after so many history books. I got to spend yesterday evening with Zan, making dinner and telling him about my trip, and now I'm finishing up moving. I just have a few things left to transfer to my new living space, and then I get to organize it all! I'm actually pretty excited about all of this as I rather enjoy setting up house. Hello, Summer 2010! Hello, life!

Victory and Moving Boxes

I have completed all of the coursework of my master's program! Victory! I finished my last paper yesterday morning, sent it in, and then felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders-- briefly. Then I remembered that now it's moving time, and I need to pack up my house in boxes, call for a carpet-cleaning, and schedule an inspection with Berkeley. But I'm done! I have nothing left to do for school save my thesis. Done, done, done!!! How absolutely crazy is that? I suppose some people may have felt this way around this time last year, but as I donned my cap and gown I knew I was in for another year of the worst sucker punches William and Mary could throw at me, and it did, but I survived intact! Intact, and arguably smarter about historical matters. A bit smarter about the world in general, too.

On Sunday all of my senior friends will graduate, and then I truly will no longer be a 'recent college graduate.' What a year it has been. I have met some incredible people, gone through some extreme highs and terrible lows, and read more than I ever thought possible. And now I'm turned ever more loose into the great world.

Another small victory: I got the research assistant position that I applied for! I'm helping a blind doctoral student read primary sources for her dissertation-- first I read them, then I put the relevant information into an electronic format she can access. I'm really excited about it; the hours are flexible, the pay is perfect for my needs, and I get to help out a student I really respect research a really interesting subject. Plus, no job-hunting, plenty of time to conduct my own research for my thesis, a summer off (to get a leg-up on that thesis), and the ability to travel! And believe me I plan to travel.

On a completely different note, yesterday the first thunderstorm of summer occurred. It was a real thunderstorm, with sheets of rain and lightening from the top of the sky to the ground. It was loud and evening fell as it lashed outside the house, and I laid on my bed and watched the sky turn yellow-gray outside my window. Then suddenly it stopped-- everything was quiet, the the light made everything in my room look almost black and white and sepia-toned. I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, that quiet moment right after the house lands. I felt that I would open the door onto a new world full of technicolor.

"Where troubles melt like lemondrops... that's where you'll find me." And in a sense-- certainly academically, and hopefully on a personal level-- perhaps that exactly sums up summer. Perhaps, if I'm lucky, it can begin the rest of my life. A new world of color, adventure, people, experiences, friendships, the odd metaphorical Witch of the West, perhaps, but also a pair of ruby slippers to ensure that I always make it home safely. Someplace where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be.

It's not due til Wednesday...

So I'll have all of Tuesday, unless something should happen, why does this always happen? I should be outside playing getting fresh air and sunshine. I work best under pressure and there'll be lots of pressure if I wait til tomorrow; I should start writing now. But if I start writing now when I'm not really rested it could upset my thinking which is not good at all...



I feel like Charlie Brown, around minute 2:40 of this video.

I have one paper left to write. It's for my independent study. I have read The Spanish Tragedy, I have a semi-outline, a great title. I have one page written. But this paper is proving difficult, and I have writers block like no other. But it's not due til Wednesday... so I'll have all of Tuesday... Gah. Last paper of grad school, why must you be so incredibly stressful right now?

Merrily a-Maying

Today was really wonderful, in that simple kind of way. I woke up to Russian Vinnie Puh on Youtube, then meandered about the morning by turning in my Comparative Race Relations paper and discussing train scheduling between London and Stratford-Upon-Avon with my mom. Both things felt productive and exciting-- one for being complete, the other for taking firm shape in my future. Then I bought small sweet tomatoes and perfectly ripe strawberries at the grocery store, packed up olive oil, pasta, and parmesan, and headed to visit Kristi for the first time since her wedding. She's pregnant and beautiful and excited and scared. We feasted on a lovely pasta lunch complete with lemonade she made from scratch, devouring food and conversation as if we'd been starved for it. The drive to and from her home felt like summer, with the sky so blue, not a cloud overhead, and a bridge-crossing with ocean water on either side. It was like crossing the causeway onto Captiva, with the salt breeze blowing in my hair and I thought I was catching the trade winds in my sails, as that Mark Twain quote says to do.

Then once home, I got an e-mail from Amy saying she had a gift for me for being a graduate assistant at Reves, and I got a lovely little glass embossed with the W&M symbol, filled with candies, and Josh called right then and we talked about the closing of his freshman year and closing of my masters year. Then Zan came over and we were silly and I told him I disliked Greg James of BBC Radio 1 in an odd way, as if I knew the guy and he was alright in small doses, and we went to the bank and listened to "Drops of Jupiter" which gives me another scene to add to my imaginary music video I make in my head of that song (me and Erin by the pool in 7th grade, me in gym freshman year of HS, me dancing in Alexandria with my friends at senior homecoming, me driving late at night to Virginia Beach sophomore year of college, etc. Flashes of my life, soundtrack provided by Train).

Then for a perfect evening I met up with Jessica, Jeff, and Amanda Scott for pizza at Stephanos and convinced them to try pepperoni and pineapple and we sat and talked for an hour, rejoicing in the end of Race Relations, then looked at the sun melting like butter in the sky so decided to walk through CW. Jessica decided to walk around the Williamsburg Inn so we did, and the landscaping was lovely with purple and white flowers everywhere, little ponds filled with turtles, and the calming quacking of ducks, and nothing to worry about anymore, no guilt because I'm not home reading on a Wednesday night. And the sun continued to set, and little lambs frolicked in fields (legit!), and we breathed in the May as the sky turned pink and purple and yellow, looking for all the world like that Centaur/Pegasus piece in Fantasia, and I felt completely happy. Walking home we all made promises to hang out again soon, and my legs grew tired and I collapsed in a happy heap on my bed and dozed for a bit in a way I would never feel comfortable doing during the year and even though I have one paper left, I'm pretty sure summer has arrived.

And so it goes...

The title seems rather melancholy for welcoming in May, a month that I love. But the past week has been bittersweet, grad school-wise. On the one hand, I'm thrilled to bits that classes are over, that I'm two papers (and a thesis) away from a masters, but on the other hand, endings are hard for me. Monday I spent several hours in the grad lounge, 'reading,' just so that I could hang out with people up there, knowing it would be one of the last times. Tuesday-- my LAST Tuesday, finally-- we had an exhibit gala of our tobacco projects for Material Culture. The exhibits turned out much better than we had anticipated (my case was called "Peddling Poison," about advertising and the tobacco industry), and the gala was lovely. Zan came to see it (!), and Dr. and Dr. Mrs. Whittenburg were there, and they had those good brownies from Ukrops/now Martin's. Wednesday was our last ever Comparative Race Relations class, thank God. Just have a paper left for that. Afterwords we went out for our last Wednesday Grad Dinner at the Leafe, and I had two pints of Strongbow, then went to Ben's and watched Amanda Lee battle Amanda Scott and her boyfriend at billiards. Then I completed my last assignment for my Independent Study-- watching Shakespeare in Love. Thursday, at the Reves Center, Amy gave us a big cake that said "Thank You" on it, and I fell asleep in the grad lounge before I had my last class ever, EVER, at William and Mary. And Friday, I wanted to start a paper, but instead I had lunch with my usual group, then hung out in the Sunken Gardens with Amanda Lee, Jeff, and Amanda Scott, partaking of the free food and bouncy obstacle courses, but not the traditional alcohol. Friday, too, Stephen moved out and into his new apartment, so the house seems a bit empty. And Friday evening I spent with Zan! We made dinner and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls (we alternate between that and DS9) and discussed our next mini-golf outing. That night we (the grad students + me & Zan) had our last real hurrah of the year-- karaoke at Bourbon Street, where we went one of our very first nights in Williamsburg. Zan and I sang a reprise of our "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and added to it Britney Spear's "Toxic" and Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me" (i.e-- the Breakfast Club Song). We make the best karaoke team-- he's an amazing singer, and usually knows the songs much better than I do. I also sang Celine Dion's epic "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." I drank rum and coke, and took pictures, and laughed, and made plans for the summer with the people who will still be here, and wanted to cry because Amanda Lee was leaving the next day and nothing will ever be the same again. Saturday we had our very, very last grad school event-- the HGSA picnic. And now I just have two papers and the year is really, truly done.

Saturday night was fun, though, and not a bit bittersweet. Zan and I drove to Woodberry for Mike's The Fall of the House of Usher, and I wore my new polka-dotted dress and we listened to 1776 and a CD I made him and Barenaked Ladies and Pink Martini and we sang along. And once there, Mike's musical was really good, better than when I saw it this summer at the Fringe, I think (though that may have been the quality of the performance space). We didn't get home until about 2:00 AM!

Today I'm getting lunch with Kacey, working on papers, and hoping to hear back about a Research Assistant position. And so one thing goes, but more is just beginning. I will look back fondly on this year, but I can't wait to see what the future holds!

And, for tradition's sake, "Tra-la, it's May! The lusty month of May!"