New Seasons and Clean Slates

Since returning home, the weather has been almost uniformly gray, foggy, and humid.  Those blue-blue skies of autumn have yet to peek out from behind the clouds, and even the cooler temperatures are marred by drenching humidity.  Still, I'm hopeful that as the world turns into October, mornings will become bright and crisp, and golden-red-orange leaves will stand out against a blue sky. 

Regardless of weather, I'm excited for October-- my favorite month.  I can't wait to watch Halloween favorites like Practical Magic, Hocus Pocus, It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, and, of course, Halloweentown.  This year, Zan and I plan to watch some horror films (for real, this time!) like The Orphanage, and maybe have a vampire movie-a-thon (with films like Only Lovers Left Alive and Interview with the Vampire).  I'm also looking forward to the release of Crimson Peak in theaters. 

Besides movies, October is my favorite month for food!  It's finally the time of year for full-on pumpkin ales and porters.  It starts to get cool enough for chili, stew, crusty breads, and roasted vegetables.  I have a million recipes to try (I will make a chicken-chili this year!). 

It's also the best time of year for hot apple cider and sweaters and starting to look forward to Christmas and beginning to work on homemade Christmas gifts.  The change of seasons makes it ideal for a good "autumn cleaning," taking stock of the year as it starts to spin into its last change.  I want to tidy up our apartment, then fill it with seasonal items, like a cinnamon broom and maybe a few decorative gourds.  I also hope to fill it with wonderful smells of baked apples and pumpkin pie.  Autumn is the best time for cozy-ing up with a good book and popcorn and seeing friends and feeling thankful.

Moreover, new months are lovely in and of themselves: as Anne Shirley says, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."  New months and new seasons are inspiring-- clean states, all ready to be filled with new (ad)ventures and new memories.  Happy Autumn!

Through the Looking Glass and What I Found There

Just arrived back from an amazing journey to England where I presented a paper as part of the Alice Through the Ages conference at Homerton College, University of Cambridge.

The conference was absolutely amazing.  I heard so many good papers, and so many of them left my mind ruminating over the ideas and ready to explore more.  The three plenary sessions inspired me, especially.  All three were incredible, but the last-- on Alice and Fashion from 1865-1901-- helped me to view Tenniel's illustrations and the popular culture surrounding Alice in entirely new ways.  In addition to the academics, the conference-organizers put together a beautiful "Looking Glass Banquet" in the Great Hall at Homerton on Wednesday night.  The Great Hall was lit entirely by candlelight, huge Alice-inspired props decorated the main dias (including a giant chess board and a huge blue caterpillar with light-up eyes and a hookah), and we ate "Mock Mock Turtle Soup" (French onion), pork chops with vanilla-apple sauce, and a lovely chocolate-strawberry-mousse heart-shaped dessert.

By the time of the banquet, I had also met three incredible women from three different countries, and, summer-camp-like, within three days we were inseparable.  We supported each other in our paper sessions, we took tea together during the breaks, and we marveled at the beauty of the banquet side-by-side.  I fondly hope that these friendships will continue to grow and develop-- and perhaps lead to new intellectual pursuits and travels. 

Cambridge itself was lovely, too.  After the conference officially ended, we spent a few more days exploring the city.  We attended a "Fantastical Victorians" exhibit in the reading room at the Fitzwilliam Museum, and concluded the week with a lovely Mad Tea Party at Homerton College.


Here are a few more pictures of Cambridge and my adventures there!

The Cheshire Cat in a tree at Homerton College. This was just one of the many beautiful decorations spread throughout the grounds and halls of Homerton during the conference.

 A view of punters on the River Cam. We did not go punting, but I must say, I quite envied the people on the boats with their Saturday morning bottles of champagne.

 Mathematician's Bridge. I thought this was an appropriate picture to take, given that Charles Dodgson (better known as Lewis Carroll) was a mathematician.

 Cakes and scones at the Mad Tea Party finale to Wonderland Week and the conference.

September Senses

As September begins I am...

Listening to... the podcast Welcome to Night Vale. I listened to the first episode of this show around Christmas time last year, but didn't fall in love immediately. After attending GeekyCon and meeting the Night Vale guys, I decided to give it another go. So, in August I listened to a few more, and in the last week, quite a few more than that. It's official: I'm totally addicted to this podcast!

Also listening to... a Great Course on the history of London as a city. Just started today, but it's helping me to get (even more) excited for my upcoming trip to the UK.  This course is serving as my bridge between "summer" audiobook listens and "autumn" listens.  I have three books lined up that I hope to finish before mid-November: Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman, Dracula narrated by Alan Cumming and others, and Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury.  Plus, I'm adding to that list both the Night Vale book and The Epic Adventures of Lydia Bennet which debuts at the end of September.  Technically that last one feels more like a "summer" read, but I plan to listen to it as soon as it's available.

(Note: as expected, I quickly finished Felicia Day's book, and moved on to a short story called The Water Horse by Dick King-Smith. I'm told there's a movie of The Water Horse that is not very good, but the short story was just lovely. I'm consistently impressed with short children's fiction: another of my favorite audiobook 'reads' was Clockwork by Philip Pullman.)

Reading (in book form)... Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, and Coraline. I meant to do this ages ago, but now I have literally ten days left to get them re-read and to re-watch the cartoon versions of each.  Also, I may have bought the books for Maryellen Larkin, the new American Girl from the 1950s...

Seeing... golden early autumn sunset outside, best friends inside, fresh clean clothes drying on their drying racks, and two fuzzy kitties who currently want dinner pretty badly. I understand kitties, because it smells insanely good in my apartment since I'm...

Tasting... pulled pork, caramelized green beans and onions, and funfetti cupcakes!  When best friends cook, it's fantastic.  And, now that it's September, I can drink pumpkin ale with impunity!

Excited for... well, my upcoming trip, of course!  But also for the continuation of my job at Special Collections and the chance to see my current collection and its related collection through to the end. Best of all, I love my new work schedule.  It's perfect in terms of hours, and leaves me with time during the week to pour energy into new creative ventures-- and also to take up Spanish language-learning again (which I slacked on a lot during August).  And of course, I'm excited for the beginning of autumn! My favorite season!  As much as I love warm weather, September and October are my favorite months.  There's something about September and that 'back-to-school' feeling that has never gone away (granted, I usually am going back to school).  The cozy nights and crisp days and sweaters and boots and warm stews and crusty breads of fall make me tingly happy.  I can't wait for the World Series and Halloween movies and here's hoping that this year I might finally make it to an autumn festival or two!

Finally, an August Post!

I've been just terrible about blogging this summer.  I keep starting posts, then not finishing them.  Or finishing them, then deciding they are not worth posting.  I never blogged about my amazing trip to GeekyCon nearly four weeks ago, and my visit to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter for the Open at the Close event-- which mostly involved drinking unlimited amounts of butterbeer in Diagon Alley at 1:00 AM.  Aside from that event, the Con itself was fantastic, too!  I attended some really interesting panels, met some wildly creative people, reconnected with favorite artists, and discovered new artists to admire.  I fell in love with the artwork of Casey Robin (check out her etsy shop!), who was as nice as she is talented.  Most excitingly, I finally got to meet Mary Kate Wiles in person-- she is one of my favorite actresses (check out her YouTube channel!).  I listened to interviews with screenwriter James Moran, with the Hillywood girls, and with Anthony Rapp.  I bought a Hermoine time-turner necklace in the marketplace for only $5!  And on the last day, I went to Disney World.  Because really, how could I be so close and not visit?  A few laps around the World Showcase were just what my heart desired.  The potato-wrapped snapper at Flying Fish Cafe didn't hurt either, nor did the Polynesian Pearl cocktail at Trader Sam's Grog Grotto.

In the ensuing weeks, I've taken a short jaunt to the Outer Banks for Zan's family beach week, and this past weekend Zan and I visited Natural Bridge, VA.  For my birthday, my friend Kay gave me a night's stay at the Historic Natural Bridge Hotel.  The package came with tickets to the bridge itself, and to the caverns nearby.  Additionally, Zan and I spent an afternoon at Virginia Safari Park, feeding tons of animals and even petting a kangaroo!  It was an incredible weekend.

Most of my time, of course, I've spent processing my collection at Special Collections.  I will be wrapping up that project soon-- in fact, my last day of full-time employment is Friday.  After that, THE WORLD!  Err, no... after that, I'm a little uncertain.  Change is definitely in the air: from the cooling days and the sun setting noticeably earlier, to the sudden end of the pattern of my days.  I feel a bit like I'm on a ski jump, the kind that let off suddenly into mid-air, leaving the skier flying through the sky-- whoosh!  I'm trying to look at it as a fun adventure, to remain calm and even a little zen, but I've always been too nervous to try skiing.  I have some fun adventures lined up for the autumn (including a presentation at an academic conference in the UK), and I have some ideas for new projects that I hope take off, but I feel like I'm mostly making it up as I go along.  I suppose what I need to learn is that everyone feels like they are making it up as they go along, cobbling together days and activities and hoping for the best.

Before I go, quick book list (if I can remember them): a long while back I read Jade Green by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, an old favorite from middle school.  I've read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (to prepare for GeekyCon, of course).  I read all of Jenny Trout's hilarious/troubling recaps of 50 Shades of Grey on her blog (she read that one so I didn't have to-- thank goodness), which prompted me to read Trout's novels The Boss and The Girlfriend (written under her pen name Abigail Barnette).  I also read an incredibly sweet debut novel by Natalie Lloyd called A Snicker of Magic.  It's a children's novel (think Newbery Award age) with a lot of heart.  The writing is so unique; I can't even explain it.  As for audiobooks, I finished listening to Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton, Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson, and then pretty much mainlined My Antonia by Willa Cather.  Currently, I'm nearing the end of Felicia Day's audiobook You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) and I'm re-reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in order to revise my conference paper.

Until next time, which hopefully won't take another month...  gonna get better at this...

Thoughts on a Re-Read; or, Potter Before Potter

I am re-reading the Harry Potter series.  I finished Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone this afternoon.  Reading it again after all this time felt odd-- it has probably been a good decade since the last time I read it, certainly before the publication of Deathly Hallows.  In a way, re-reading the book felt like reminiscing with old friends about long ago: "Remember the Sorting and your first night at Hogwarts?" "Remember when you thought you'd be expelled but ended up as the Seeker on the Quidditch team?"  But that same nostalgia also gives some pain.  Characters that meant little to me at the time are suddenly fleshed out in my mind with all that I've read since.  I noticed that Lavender Brown got sorted into Gryffindor.  Fred and George are still complete and happy.  Scabbers, still only a rat.  Mostly, Neville: just a meek, nice boy with a toad and a propensity to get picked on, his backstory totally unknown. 

I first read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when I was eleven years old.  I read it before Harry Potter was *Harry Potter.*  I read it before most of my friends, even.  There were no films, or-- to my knowledge-- even talk of films.  The whole world that Rowling so clearly and carefully built I imagined without the aid of set and costume designers, or actors.  In my mind, Hermione had darker brown hair, like me (of course).  Minerva McGonagall was younger than Dame Maggie Smith, and a bit harsher looking with black hair.  Dumbledore was slightly madder.  Upon a re-read, I notice that the whole book has a whimsical Roald Dahl-esqueness to it that the movies don't quite capture.  And, as an adult, I also notice how wonderfully Rowling controls the prose and plot.  Her world-building is astounding in a way that I could not recognize as a child.  Moreover, the depth of it becomes apparent with the totality of the series, which I did not have when first I read this book.  I remember waiting for Book 3.

Then there's the fact that I've grown up.  I think I cry more easily now.  When I was little, my mom would always read The Polar Express to me on Christmas Eve, and she would always cry at the end when the protagonist says that his sister can no longer hear the bell, but that it rings for him as it does for all true believers.  When I was small, I poked fun at her.  Then, a Christmas came a few years ago when I started crying, too.  I think Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone has undergone a similar transformation for me.  I teared up when Hagrid and Harry entered Diagon Alley (it was so magical!).  I felt myself crumbling a bit when Dumbledore spoke to Harry in the infirmary about love, and when Hagrid gave Harry a scrapbook of pictures of his parents.  I almost full-on cried when Dumbledore gave Neville ten points, because I just knew how much it meant to Neville. 

I've gained so much in the last decade of my life.  Still, a distinct sense of something lost accompanied my re-read.  The closest I can come to describing it is this: I will never again wonder at the cat that reads the street sign on Privet Drive.  I already know. 

as time goes by

Before work, I stop in to have my morning tea in the grad lounge.  A few friends from my cohort, and some from the year behind mine, teach summer classes for high schoolers on campus.  While I take my tea, they lesson plan and grade papers, and we catch up about our weekends, or our upcoming adventures.  There's a bookshelf just outside the lounge full of books free for the taking.  It's magical.  Last week, new books appeared on it everyday.  These are old books, full of markings, with breaking spines.  Or new books, that a professor decided they did not really need cluttering their office or home.  Regardless, I love it.  I love all of the books.  So far, I've managed to pick up seven titles, including Moby Dick and Heart of Darkness, neither of which I've read, and a few anthologies of short stories and creative non-fiction.  And plays, too.  I've taken from the shelf some Caryl Churchill and Tom Stoppard works that I've never owned before, but that I'm excited to read now, after having seen or studied a performance.

Then, the tea drunk, and perhaps some peanut butter crackers eaten, I walk the short path to the library to begin the days work.  I retrieve whatever part of my collection I need from the stacks, and I set up in the work room or the processing room, reading old correspondence, filing it into folders, imposing organization upon a cluttered mess of papers.  Many people today lament the lost art of letter writing, but I feel like I didn't realize how lost it was until the past few weeks.  My collection alone boasts hundreds upon thousands of letters.  Yet, it's not the number that's been lost; it's the conversation.  Perhaps it's simply that I'm reading letters from a rather literary crowd in the 1920s, so their turns of phrase ring with poignancy, but then, perhaps the 1920s was just a different time for the English language.  Certainly, it was a very different time for the average English-language speaker.

And while today the writing of a few select blogs and one or two e-mails makes me pause to relish the beauty of the words and the ideas behind them, most of them are written haphazardly, dashed off in an instant, or written to conform to some kind of lowest-common denominator standard.  Few writers pause, and thus, I think, few readers pause.

Worse, few friends take the care required to compose a worthy letter, or even e-mail, and thus, few friendships deepen via correspondence.  Fewer observations are recorded, and perhaps, fewer observations are made.  We are so hasty.  Not that the 1920s was a slow time-- there were telegrams and telephones-- but most of life did not move quite literally at half the speed of light.  A few things required an actual immediate response in the sense that we associate with immediacy (accomplished via telegram), but most 'immediate' responses could be given at the earliest a day later.  In general, correspondents had at the least a whole night to mull over a missive before needing to send a response.  Life moved much more slowly, and, in many cases it seems, thoughtfully.

Yet, before I wax all rosy-glasses, I must add: things haven't changed all that much in the last hundred years.  War was still horrific, lovers still faithful or untrue by turns, oranges delicious.  Americans still crave terrible boxed 'American' food even in the bounty of delicious foreign local cuisine, and everyone has plenty of room to wonder, "What kind of world are we living in?"  Just as my satire class last year proved to me that seventeenth and eighteenth-century writers critiqued many of the same things about their society that I find wrong with my own, these letters reinforce-- on a much smaller, more intimate scale-- the noble, terrible, humorous, and dull-- but essentially unchanging-- nature of humanity. 

Since Last I Wrote

Things have been a little quiet over here on my blog.  Since last I wrote, Zan and I spent three long, full, tiring, beautiful days at Awesome Con.  We attended a lot of panels, seminars, and workshops with local artists, and-- of course-- got to see a couple large panels with media guests from The Lord of the Rings trilogy and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Since last I wrote, I visited New York City with a group of my best friends.  We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge together, got wonderful-cheap dumplings from a hole-in-the-wall shop, drank cocktails at a 1920s style jazz club, and spent an afternoon stretched out under the trees in Central Park. 

Since last I wrote, I've had a job interview and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Since last I wrote, I've started using a meditation app called Headspace.  I'm not sure if I'm doing it right or not, but regardless, it's nice to sit still for ten minutes a day and not feel like it's time wasted.  I've also started listening to a couple of new podcasts, after running into a friend who recommended to me Mystery Show, with Starlee Kine.  I also started listening to You Must Remember This, by Karina Longworth, and I'm trying out a few more episodes of Welcome to Night Vale.  Speaking of listening to things, I finished the last season of Cabin Pressure, and now only have the episode "Zurich" and the Christmas special left.  I wish I had hours more left.

Since I last wrote, I finished Adventures of Huckleberry Finn on audiobook, and started on Jurassic Park.  I also read a few books: Unstoppable Octobia May by Sharon Flake, Douglas Fredericks and the House of They by Joe Kelly (illustrated by Ben Roman), The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories by Angela Carter, and The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson.  More on these books in a future post, I think.  Suffice to say, I've found a new favorite author in Angela Carter, and it's been ages since I've been hooked on a book like I was while reading The Name of the Star.

Since last I wrote, I've seen two films in the theater: Tomorrowland and Jurassic World.  This is pretty big for me; I don't go out to movie theaters often.  It's fun, though-- maybe I'll start.  I've been making my way through my Netflix queue, too: I watched the mini-series Death Comes to Pemberley.  I really enjoyed it-- I wasn't sure how a 21st-century Austen 'sequel' would go, but I really felt like it kept the themes of duty, honor, and financial considerations at the heart of the plot.  And love, of course.  Also provided food for thought on the question, What constitutes fan-fiction and what constitutes original work?  Is it simply a matter of publication and/or professional production?

Since last I wrote, I started playing The Legend of Zelda: Wind-Waker HD.  I'm having fun exploring this new world, and really taking in the design elements.  One of my friends did her capstone project on open-world gaming, and it's made me look at the Zelda series in a new, more critical light.  I'm thinking about the music, the animation, and the plot a lot more deeply.

Since last I wrote, I've drunk lots of tea, seen lots of friends, eaten lots of good food, taken lots of walks, and napped in the sunshine with two beautiful cats.  Since last I wrote, life has been pretty good.

Last of the Last Hurrahs

I thought that graduation would give me a sense of finality about this program.  When that didn't happen, I thought for sure that after our fancy-dress party I would suddenly realize how everything had ended.  Surprisingly, that didn't happen either.  In fact, I think it first hit me last Wednesday.  I drove down to Williamsburg mid-week last week for a day-long embroidery class with the Royal School of Needlework.  As I sat there, working on my embroidered teacup with my British tutor, I realized that Amanda was flying home.  She was gone.  I had said my final goodbye to her on Monday night, and now she had left.  And something about that made it feel very, very real.

But then I came home and a round of parties started up again, and that sort of negated my impression of everything ending.  On Saturday, Zan and I attended a Nats baseball game with a few of his high school friends, and we stayed out late talking in Crystal City, despite a wide-spread power outage in the area.  The next morning, we had brunch near Dupont Circle with a few people from Zan's cohort, then went to the zoo with Zan's high school friends to see the panda bears.  Later that night we attended a dinner party with the people from my cohort who have not yet left.  It was an amazing dinner party-- Alex made turkey, roasted potatoes, almond green beans, fantastic carrot cake and gluten-free chocolate granola bars.  We had fun imitating each other, telling jokes, talking about the future.  I got Alex to sign my copy of the book that he wrote-- something I'd been meaning to do for over a year.

Then on Monday, my dad made me and Zan his famous grilled hamburgers for lunch.  Later, Cara and Emmett came over to spend an afternoon at the pool with margaritas, and that evening a group of us got together to watch St. Elmo's Fire (and now we say that everything is "out of hand" and feel grateful that our lives are more together than those of the characters, despite some existential similarities).  And last night we all gathered at Penn Commons for a goodbye round of drinks for Emmett and Emily.  And now... now it feels real.  Emmett leaves today.  Emily leaves tomorrow.  Thomas leaves in a week.  We're all really splitting apart and going our own ways-- teaching in Germany, biking to Portland, starting grad programs in California and New York.  This little bubble of time is over.

Book Update / Dinner Party

Since April, when last I wrote about what I've been reading, I've finished both Sense and Sensibility and Shades of Milk and Honey.  I've also completed the sixth and final book in the Rebecca series, Changes for Rebecca.  It definitely elevated my opinion of the whole series.  Additionally, I've read two of the books that I brought home in my library haul: The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly and Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman.  Plus, I've listened to two shorter stories: Clockwork by Philip Pullman and Porch Lies by Patricia McKissack.  I've also gotten started on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (audiobook) and I'm still working on Discoverers of the Universe by Michael Hoskin (print book).  Also, I finished another season of the BBC Radio series Cabin Pressure.  Also also, I forgot to mention that long, long ago (in February) I listened to Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen. And, I finished the first four episodes/interviews in Michael Ian Black's podcast, "How To Be Amazing."  As predicted, Lin-Manuel Miranda's interview was my favorite of the four.  I admire Miranda's work so much and I really hope to see Hamilton when it hits Broadway. 

In other news, I forgot to mention that last Wednesday, I held a dinner party!  It was so much fun to actually take the time to cook and to have the food appreciated by my friends.  I made an herb tart and a chicken-plum pie, a loaf of cheddar-thyme bread, a lemon-basil pasta salad, a caprese salad, stewed cherries, buttered crab with tortilla chips, Thug Kitchen cauliflower, and syllabub.  In addition to my friends from graduate school, a couple of friends from college dropped by!  I was so excited to see Mel, since she lives in L.A., but we didn't get to talk a lot (we will have coffee when next I am in L.A. to really catch up).  We all gathered round the kitchen island and ate and drank and watched a Bollywood film on Netflix and at the end of the night there were no leftovers, which I say is the sign of a dinner party well done.

Leaving the Hilltop

 
The commencement ceremony for the class of 2015 happened on Friday morning.  For the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, it was an early morning.  We met at our line-up locations at 7:30 AM, and finally processed out onto Healy Lawn at 9:00.  Luckily, the morning was bright and clear, low humidity, and almost a little cold.  For May in D.C., we couldn't have asked for more.  

The ceremony was much as any graduation ceremony, I suppose.  We donned our caps and gowns, and had our degrees conferred upon us, and put on our Masters Hoods.  We walked across the stage when our name was called, and had a photo taken with the dean.  After the ceremony, friends rushed to congratulate each other, and we parted to have lunch with our families.  My family, Zan, and I went to Good Stuff Eatery on M Street.  Burgers, fries, and milkshakes!  Perfect!  We ran into several of my co-workers from Special Collections also eating lunch there, which was an added bonus.  

After lunch, Zan and I returned to campus to await the English Department Reception.  We visited the library to pick up a DVD I had requested (St. Elmo's Fire, of course), browsed through the DVD section for awhile, then crashed in the grad lounge for a bit.  After that early morning wake up call, I felt exhausted.  Emmett came in to work on a thank you note for his adviser, and then we descended upon Dahlgren Quad for a nice little party.  We spent the afternoon outdoors in the perfect weather

catching up with people who hadn't come to the ceremony, and meeting parents and friends.  After I got home, my parents took me out to a nice dinner and then gave me a lovely Hot Air Balloon Clock for my graduation present-- it's beautiful, and will go nicely with the many other Hot Air Balloon objects I have acquired over the course of this year of thesis-writing.



Still, it doesn't feel quite over yet.  Tonight my cohort is holding our fancy dress party-- the last of the last hurrahs-- and maybe then it will hit me.  Everyone keeps asking, "What's next?", as they will.  I don't know.  Last time 'round I had plans, but the ground kept shifting under my feet.  Maybe it's best to just go with the flow this time, to see where I land, and to trust it will be right where I belong.

Endings and Beginnings

On Thursday, as I usually do, I took my lunch to the graduate lounge to eat before going into work.  Most Thursdays the lounge is teeming with people getting ready for their afternoon class, or-- more recently-- finishing up final papers.  When I opened the door yesterday, the room was empty and still.  A few minutes later a first-year showed up-- finishing a final paper-- and we chatted for a bit as I ate.  Then, as I packed up my bags to walk over to the library, I realized that I had just eaten what would probably be my last lunch in the graduate lounge.  No more will I grab a quick bite before work, or before class.  I have no need to spend hours in the English Department, and no need to stock my shelf in the graduate lounge with tea and popcorn and granola bars.  In fact, my shelf looks rather bare these days, devoid even of my theory reader which has occupied the space for the past two years.

Yesterday marked another momentous 'last.'  My last day of work in Special Collections, at least for the foreseeable future.  For the last time as a graduate student assistant, I pulled open the glass doors into the center and helped researchers at the reception desk.  I cleaned up my space in the workroom and bid adieu to the processing room and the stacks.  One of my co-workers made me brownies from scratch, and we watched the WWII planes fly over DC from the library window.

After work, summer really began.  I met Cara and Amanda by the John Carroll statue and we stretched out in the sun on Healy lawn.  After awhile, we walked to Amanda's to pick up a bottle of Pimms, then headed across the river to sit outside on the balcony at my place.  We met up with Zan, Amanda made Pimms Cup, and we soaked up the warmth of the afternoon.  Around seven, we met up with Harry and Charlotte for a sushi dinner and split bottles of sake, then afterwards we all returned to the balcony to sit out in the warm night talking about the past and the future.  It seems magnificent that the weather is warm enough to sit outside at night.  Not long ago the idea of summer seemed impossible.  Yet, in less than a week we will all have graduated, onto new adventures.  A summer stretches before us, full of possibilities.      
  
Even though I finished all of my requirements for my M.A. a few weeks ago, and received word that my thesis was officially accepted by the graduate school a little over a week ago, the routine of work kept me coming to campus and feeling like this graduate student life would never actually end.  But somehow, it has.  My thesis was difficult, and this year was trying in many ways, but I absolutely could not have asked for a better M.A. cohort than the class of 2015. 

On Breakfast

I'm truly getting better about eating breakfast.  I resolved to eat it in January, and though I've missed my fair share of breakfasts in the ensuing five months, I've eaten more than not.  Another huge help to my breakfasting quest has been the vegan cookbook Thug Kitchen.*  In one of their "Dropping Knowledge" sections the authors reiterate how important breakfast is-- and the fact that those who don't eat it are at a higher risk of heart disease.  As they say, anything goes for breakfast (except they say it in much more colorful language)!  Breakfast doesn't have to take long or be fancy.  Cold leftovers work.  So, while some mornings I make myself a cheddar-cheese-scrambled egg with bacon, and I've gotten really into whipping up Thug Kitchen's vegan French toast with coconut-oil fried bananas, some days it's all I can do to heat up a leftover tuna croquette or finish off a large snickerdoodle cookie I purchased the day before.  Do cookies count for breakfast? I think the answer is yes.


*not a sponsored post in any way, though I do love Thug Kitchen and highly recommend it. It's great, even for non-vegans like me.

Another Last Hurrah

The best moment of this weekend was clasping hands with two of my best friends and walking across the Crim Dell bridge.  Other good parts included spending a very long time in the print shop learning about eighteenth-century printing techniques, walking up and down DoG Street, going to the farmer's market with Amanda, seeing old friends, getting a new skirt, eating so much good food, visiting Wawa, helping Cara get started on Instagram, laying out in the grass enjoying the sunshine and then having a lazy dinner on the back porch, and the feel that for the first time in years I was enjoying an extended slumber party.

Last Hurrahs

This weekend signaled the beginning of the end.  Suddenly, everything feels like the last time.  My last official day of classes.  My last frustrating attempt to print in the grad lounge.  The last time I double-click to open my document entitled "English Masters Thesis" (at least for awhile).  

We had our English MA end-of-the-year party on Saturday, at the same place that we had one of our first beginning-of-the-year parties back in late August.  As we piled BBQ pork, burgers, macaroni salad, and more onto the small table in the dining area, I couldn't help but remember just eight months ago when we set it with home-made lasagna, garlic bread, and salad.  Then, Thomas did all of the cooking as we second-years greeted each other after a long summer apart and began to get to know the first-years.  Then, we all still brimmed with the excitement that comes with the first week of classes, and we gave each other knowing, exasperated sighs as we contemplated the months of thesis-writing ahead of us.  Now, we ask each other about our after-graduation plans, speaking of the far-flung places we'll land, the jobs we want and the jobs we got, and excitedly talk about the moment that we officially submitted our theses and capstones.  I submitted mine on Thursday. 

In three weeks, we will graduate and my cohort will disperse to Germany, England, Michigan, and Massachusetts.  Still others have plans in California, New Hampshire, and Ohio.  Our close-knit little community is breaking apart and once again I feel like Jo March, saddened by all of the change, by a chapter closing.  But now, like Jo, it's time to start realizing some of my own life-long goals.  It's also time to banish fear of failure (or, perhaps, to learn to work with that fear), and to learn to accept that not every path to fulfillment has clear-cut mile markers.  But that's a post for another time.

At the moment, I think there's nothing wrong with reveling in a few more weeks of last hurrahs.

Library Haul

What to do when your apartment becomes a film studio for your MFA-degree seeking partner?  Escape to your parents house!  At least, that's what I did.  Zan is in the midst of a crazy season of final projects, so to get out of his hair I spent the last weekend in Williamsburg.  Three beautiful days of relaxing walks down DoG Street, dinners at La Tolteca and the pub, and some time spent in The Shoe Attic with Brittany.  But the best part of this particular weekend was going to the library to pick out books to read for fun.  Have I mentioned how much I love the public library?  I love its wide windows, its study carrels, its wall of DVDs and audiobooks, but most of all-- I love the children's section.  I never fail to find amazing reads in the children's section (I also enjoy overhearing children picking out new books and discovering what will probably be a life-long love of reading).  I truly believe that some of the best books in the world are housed in that children's section, so often overlooked by so many adults.  So, on this particular visit, I picked out a nice selection of books to see me through the spring, and perhaps to inspire a little bit of my own writing.

Someone is on your side

The weather has finally turned genuinely spring-like.  The cherry blossoms are in full bloom, the past couple of mornings I've only needed to don a light jacket before heading out to work, and the other day I spent a lovely afternoon on our balcony eating cherries, almonds, and goat cheese with honey while listening to a new podcast that had Elizabeth Gilbert as the special guest for the week.  Looking forward to the next one, with Lin Manuel Miranda as the guest!  Very inspiring.  My thesis is, for all intents and purposes, complete.  I have finished my rewrites, my adviser has signed off on everything, and all that remains to do is to upload the document to the graduate school via electronic submission.  Since I'm only auditing one course, I have no final papers or anything.  The freedom is intoxicating.  And overwhelming.  The world is such a wide, varied place, and I don't know how to soak it in to its utmost, nor how to contribute in the most productive way.  Sometimes it's paralyzing.

Yet, even as I wrestle with this, I am reminded of the fragility of life, and strive to be grateful for each day, each breath, each moment that I spend simply being.  The past week has served to remind me what an amazing group of people I have in my life.  My undergraduate improv troupe lost of one of our members.  The news knocked the wind out of me.  I.T. is like a family.  When I was in college, they were the people with whom I spent at least three nights a week.  We had Date Parties, Secret Santa, Improvathon, Fall Tour...  and that feeling of family extends to the alumni.  We still welcome the newbies with e-mails, even years out of college.  We return for homecoming shows and alumni hours.  If the people in I.T. with me were my siblings, those in I.T. now are like my cousins.  The outburst of support and love that has issued this week from members who graduated as long ago as fifteen years, five years, and those still in undergrad has been incredible.  Since Monday morning, the song "No One is Alone" from Into the Woods has been going round and round in my head.  This is for anyone struggling with depression.

 

Ayegazoomba, Paul.  Ayegazoomba, I.T.

Book List Update

Although I no longer keep a sidebar list, I still think it's nice to periodically stop to remember what I've read this year.  Since my last update, I've read mostly American Girl books.  Yes, I'm too old for them.  No, that doesn't stop me from enjoying them or learning from them.  Each book takes about 35 or 45 minutes to read, so I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something in a short period of time.

As rewards for finishing various stages of my thesis, I've read two Kit mysteries: Midnight in Lonesome Hollow and Intruders at Rivermead Manor.  I really loved these, and Midnight in Lonesome Hollow re-sparked an interest in Appalachian culture, anthropology and folklife, and also (tangentially) the history of Shenandoah National Park.  Once upon a time Zan and I were thinking of writing a film about the Great Depression and the National Parks.  I hope to spend some time doing more in-depth research on this stuff once I've officially submitted my thesis. Then, over Spring Break, I wrote around 20 pages of my thesis-- in order to wind down at night (or, actually 2:30 AM or later), I read most of the Rebecca series over the course of the week (Meet Rebecca, Rebecca and Ana, Candlelight for Rebecca, Rebecca and the Movies, Rebecca to the Rescue). 

In addition to American Girl books, I've nearly finished Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (as an audiobook) and I'm about halfway through reading Shades of Milk and Honey by Mary Robinette Kowal (as a print book).  Also--not a book, but-- I listened to the first season of a BBC Radio One show called Cabin Pressure which is hilarious.  It stars Benedict Cumberbatch, Roger Allam, John Finnemore, and Stephanie Cole.  I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a lighthearted sitcom to enjoy whilst cooking dinner or during the morning commute.

So, certainly not the book list I would like to see if I were keeping a sidebar.  A series of books aimed at nine-year-olds?  A radio show (that's not even a book!!!)?  And so little reading, in general!*  But, that's why I got rid of my widget.  These are media that I've highly enjoyed, fluff and all.  And it's what I've needed in the past two months.  Since mid-February I've felt that my world has mostly gone sour, and these little stories have really stood out as bright spots in the dreary landscape.



*Of course, I have written about 80 pages of my thesis since my last update, and have read quite a bit for that-- although, not full books, so that doesn't "count."  I've also managed to Rosetta Stone a little nearly every day, which is about the only thing keeping me sane.

EDIT on 4/18/15: I forgot to mention that I also read Tina Fey's Bossypants and I really enjoyed it.

large matters and small

The past two months have been rough.  The last two weeks have been worse.  My grandmother passed away.  We found out that our cat, Rhett, has irreversible kidney failure and (separately) we had to take him for an enema, which is never pretty.  A thing I really hoped would happen for Zan didn't happen.  All that, plus a few other small disappointments here and there in the last fourteen or so days, have left me feeling all-over-tired and just generally a little sad.  I need something genuinely good to occur: a job offer perhaps, or just one full day that feels like I am truly 'off,' without needing to complete minor rewrites, or read for the class I'm auditing.  I'd like just a day in which to sit outside in the newly spring-like weather and read for fun, or cross-stitch a new pattern, or color in a coloring book, or even just nap.

I did pass my thesis defense on Wednesday, though!  So things could always be worse.

in some brighter clime

My grandmother died.  I am so, so, so glad that I got to visit her just a few weeks ago in February.  I'm so glad I didn't try to wait until a more 'convenient' time, like Spring Break, or after graduation.  What is a 'convenient' time?  Life is always happening, until it's not.  You carve out days and moments because you love someone and so you visit them, even though they can't hear you that well, and even though it's too hard for them to play Old Maid and they probably wouldn't remember the rules to Aggravation anymore.  You go just to feel her squeeze your hand in hers. 

(Me and my grandma in May, 2014)

Last night I considered trying to make a pot roast, because my grandma made the best pot roast, but that's a skill I've never mastered.  I tried to run some errands, and I thought about when I was little how Grandma and Dzadek would wave from the front porch whenever our visits were over.  I looked around Target for a mini-grow kit, because I thought maybe I could grow a flower for my grandma, because she always loved gardening.  Target only had a basil kit.  Not quite the same.  I might try to go to a real nursery to get a real plant.  Something pretty and springtime-y.  And maybe purple, since purple was my grandma's favorite color.

This post doesn't do her justice, but it's all I have right now.

Lines of poetry go flitting through my mind, mostly poetry by Anna Letitia Barbauld.  I've spent the better part of the last six months with Barbauld's works, so I guess it makes sense, even though the poems I'm thinking of have nothing to do with my thesis.  Instead, the title of this post comes from her poem "Life" (though, my thoughts tend more towards her poems "Dirge" and "A Thought on Death").  In "Life" Barbauld writes,

"Life! We've been long together
Through pleasant and through cloudy weather;
'Tis hard to part when friends are dear;
Perhaps 'twill cost a sigh, a tear;
Then steal away, give little warning,
      Choose thine own time;
Say not Good night, but in some brighter clime
      Bid me Good morning."

Holding Out for the Ides

It's go time!  I have twenty-five pages to write in the next eight days.  I then need to tighten up the writing, revise a little, and I'm aiming to have everything turned in for my defense draft by March 14th.  I can rest on March 15th.  Tall order?  Yes.  Do-able?  Yes.  It's going to be a long two weeks, but I can do it.

A few more small victories: just completed Unit 7 in Rosetta Stone!  Only missed one day since the 16th, even if February has been a bit slower going due to all the writing.  And, it's only 11:30 this morning, but so far today I've taken my car for my state inspection, run/walked 1.5 miles, stretched, done crunches, washed a load of laundry, Rosetta Stone-d, and made Pillsbury Cinnamon Buns.  I'm on a roll!  Can't stop me now!  Aiming for seven pages today-- here I go!!!!!

A Crazy Week

Well, I sent off nearly 30 pages to my adviser on Sunday.  Then today I realized that a page and a half-- what I thought was a brilliant new insight-- was actually a totally erroneous reading because I hadn't done my history legwork and had relied on someone else's notes.  It's okay, I noticed it before my adviser could point it out to me, I revised it, and I sent him the revised edition, but boy, do I feel foolish.  We all make mistakes, I guess.  Luckily, this doesn't affect the overall thesis. 

The craziness of this week doesn't come from a faulty reading, however.  In the past week or so I've had a snow day, a trip to New Mexico, a six and a half hour delay at the Denver airport, and my fifth anniversary with Zan.  The snow day was kind of fun-- I didn't have to go into work.  We had some friends in town so we went to a late breakfast at a roadside diner style restaurant.  Kind of a relaxing day (if any day is relaxing when I'm so far into thesis mode).

New Mexico was beautiful and sad.  We're putting my grandma into hospice care.  They found a cancerous mass in her abdomen.  She's 82, very weak, and her kidneys aren't functioning well.  The doctors said they didn't know if she had a few weeks, months, or a year, but they recommended hospice.  It seems like it might be months-- if that.  My mom and I booked a flight to see her immediately.  I thought of waiting until Spring Break in mid-March, but I'm glad I didn't.  She's rapidly declining and I didn't want to wait until too late. We had a good visit, though.  We did some fun things: got to see my aunt's new frozen custard/fudge/popcorn shop (it's all SO tasty!), had a few nice dinners out with my aunt, uncle, and cousins.  Mostly, though, my mom and I tried to spend as much time as possible with my grandma.  We watched a Peanuts special together, talked as much as didn't weary out my grandma, and my aunt brought us all Chinese carry-out for lunch.  After my grandma had gone to bed, my mom and I went to our hotel bar and got margaritas and sat outside by a fire, looking out over the mountains.  For, in spite of it all, these were hard days.  It's not easy watching someone you love... you know.  I'm sure I could write more eloquently if I tried.

But the American West is really something.  You feel so small, but not in an insignificant way-- it's like, a kind of gratefulness washes over you.  I kept thinking, "I get to live on this Earth.  What a magnificent place."  It was warm while we were there, too.  The second day, while my mom and aunt had a long meeting with hospice, I sat outside in the sun and worked on my thesis.  I felt so able, somehow.  I wrote around 12 pages in two and a half days.  At night I could see the stars so clearly, and I just kept thinking of a line in the poem I'm writing about, "This dead of midnight is the noon of thought/ And wisdom mounts her zenith with the stars."

...and then getting home we got stuck in Denver.  Not because of snow, but because of a mechanical issue.  I appreciate that we can't fly with a mechanical problem, but wow.  We didn't get home until 3:00 AM-- when we were scheduled to arrive just before dinner.  Still, I got a lot of writing done in the airport, and we had some really tasty Wolfgang Puck Pizza Express.  Seriously, the guy cooking the pizzas was an artist.  Good food really improves any experience.

And on Monday, Zan and I celebrated FIVE WHOLE YEARS together!  Since he had work until 9:30 we couldn't do anything super special, but we ate lunch at Ray's (we get burgers each year on our anniversary) and then for dinner had some homemade soup and exchanged gifts.  Simple pleasures.  So happy to have spent five years together.  What a five years it's been!   

Small Victories

Today, I sent off 18 new pages of my thesis to my adviser.  These have been a hard-earned 18 pages.  I really hope they go over well.  At least now I can honestly say my heart has been in the work.  I'm writing what I see happening in the poems.  I feel like it's not quite sophisticated enough, but maybe I'm setting myself unrealistically high standards for this project.  It's not "the book" after all.  And it's also only the second time I've ever tried to write about poetry, as such.  So.

Today, too, I began Rosetta Stone Spanish Level 2, Unit 7.  This is the farthest I've ever made it in Rosetta Stone!  I restarted the program a couple of days after Christmas, and I've been averaging roughly one unit a week!  I've only missed a day or two since New Years Day.  I don't always do much each day, but I try to do at least one little lesson per day.  It's working much better than my resolution last year to Rosetta for an hour three times a week.  Sometimes I don't have an hour together, but if I need a break from writing my thesis, I can take 5 minutes to do a quick lesson (most lessons take between 5-10 minutes).  I also like to do a lesson or two while I drink my morning tea and have my breakfast.  I really feel like I'm making progress in learning this language.  Just a little at a time.  Maybe I really will be able to read a children's book by Christmas, 2015!

Right now, I'm relaxing with the SNL 40th Anniversary Show.  Happy President's Day weekend!

Audio Books/Book List

So far this year, I've read five books-- and four of those I've "read" via audiobook.  I started out with an Audible trial in August, to get The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet for free, and despite thinking that I'd cancel my membership after the trial, I've stuck with it.  I love it.  I've "read" all of my Austen books with Juliet Stevenson narrating (and Carolyn Seymour, for Pride and Prejudice, since Juliet Stevenson never recorded that one), and I've even gotten in some "for fun" "reading" while I cook dinner, during my commute, and if I have some not-too-involved task at work, like numbering folders, fulfilling scan and copy requests, or consolidating maps (long story).

I will say, though, I've quite enjoyed not having my sidebar "Books" widget.  I think if I had just those five titles staring back at me I'd feel guilty doing anything but reading.  Only five books this year so far?!  FIVE?!  But that doesn't take into consideration the hours upon hours I've spent writing my thesis, or the hours I've spent reading and rereading the poems on which I'm writing, or all of the secondary research articles and chapters.  Nor have I seen any movies--at all this year-- so it's a good thing that my "Movies" widget is gone, too.  But what fun I've had watching Doc Martin, the new season of Parks and Recreation, and Agent Carter!  It's pretty freeing not feeling the need to catalogue these activities.

But, even so, I am going to tell you what books I've read (or "read"): holding the actual book, I've read The Mysteries of Udolpho, perhaps the longest book ever written (a little hyperbole, but not much).  It was 633 pages, but the font size was somewhere around Times New Roman 10, maybe 8.  Not hyperbole.  The books I've listened to are Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, Peter and the Starcatchers by Ridley Pearson and Dave Barry, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, and As You Wish by Cary Elwes with Joe Layden.  I have so much to say about these that it wouldn't all fit in one post--maybe I'll start doing book reviews--but it's been a fun 2015, reading/listening-wise!



Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, no, this is not a sponsored post.

Going Back to Canon

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is, in a way, fan fiction writ large.  I'm sure I'm not original in thinking so.  But the thing is, I've never been a hard-core Austen devotee, so over the past two years (yes, I found the series pretty late in the game) The Lizzie Bennet Diaries has been my Pride and Prejudice.  Yeah, I'd seen the Colin Firth mini-series a couple of times and swooned over the clothes and the men, and I read the book once during undergrad, but what really made it breathe for me was this YouTube series.  It's no secret that I totally fell in love with the characters, and especially Lydia.  I loved gossiping with my friend Megan over Jane and Bing, and I actually took time out of a graduate school admitted students day to go watch when Lizzie posted the video of her and Darcy's first kiss.  Unfortunately, no one else there that day could understand my excitement.  This past summer I listened to the audiobook of The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet and I'm so looking forward to Lydia's book.

So fast forward to today, when I realize that I need to read Pride and Prejudice this weekend for the class I'm auditing.  I considered skipping it, since I mean, I just listened to The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennet a couple months ago and how different will it really be?  Plus, I've listened to/read a lot of Austen and other 18th-century novels recently, so I have the style of it down in my head.  I can pretty much imagine how Austen wrote it.  But I went ahead and downloaded it in audiobook format (because I'm positive that I'll "read" more of it while cooking dinner and during my morning commute than I will if I try to carve out dedicated time for it-- I need that time for thesis-writing right now).  And while yes, it's just what I expected on most levels-- even in the first hour, I'm shocked to remember that Kitty Bennet is not an actual cat, and the I'm beginning to recollect the level of loathing that I formerly felt towards Lydia.  I mean, yes, logically I knew these things, but when you become so invested in a story, it can be hard to remember how it feels when those "facts" revert to something else.  This will be an interesting couple of days.  And I think it will probably spark a lot re-watching on YouTube.

Super Bowl Treats

We had Rotel dip, like always.  And about a million other unhealthy things.  At Target we decided to make Super Bowl Sunday a food version of "Treat Yo Self!" from Parks and Recreation and so we ended up with mini-cheeseburgers, pizza rolls, crab rangoon, and jalapeno poppers.   And sometime shortly after half-time we found ourselves watching the end of Best in Show while flipping back to the game occasionally to check the score.  That's how to do a Super Bowl. 

Closing January

January is ending with mild acute thesis panic (as, I imagine, the next few months will).  I keep writing and writing, but it never feels good enough.  I'm having a hard-hitting case of imposter syndrome.  I know it's my adviser's job to, well, advise, and offer suggestions, but it doesn't make it easier to hear that parts of what I've written need to go back to the drawing board-- even if I kind of felt that these parts did when I first wrote them.  Especially with so little time left to complete this rather large writing project.  I want to just force him to accept what I've written even if parts don't quite make sense or some historical fact is a little gratuitous because it makes the word count longer!  And I want that right now!  And it seems so easy when he says it: "Just write what you think."  But what if what I think isn't good enough?  What if... well, what if.  Anyone else feel this way?

On a brighter note, today I finished The Mysteries of Udolpho for class.  What an incredibly long book!  I feel so accomplished having actually completed it!  And, it has set my mind in motion for some future schemes (that no, don't involve black veils, kidnapping, murder, or a trip to the Pyrenees)! 

Dreary Weather

Weather-wise, these past few weeks have felt a lot like Seattle.  Clouds, fog, drizzling rain, and the occasional half-hearted afternoon sun-break.  I've taken my calcium gummies regularly, since they contain Vitamin D, and I've drunk a lot of tea, and I've tried to treat myself nicely in general, but the constant gloom is beginning to take a toll.  I keep telling myself to forge ahead, write as much as I can while it's cloudy, and then when it's sunny I can go outside and enjoy it!  Yet, paradoxically, after awhile the clouds make it hard to stay in and write.  Everything starts to feel like the Doldrums in The Phantom Tollbooth and my little car that went puff-puffing along so industriously begins, of its own accord, to slow as the world grows gray and sleepy.  During the three days of my first-year exams in Seattle we had a rare late-spring weekend of bright sunshine.  I maintain that my afternoon walks around Green Lake in the sunshine helped keep me sane during that weekend.  I worry that to keep up my thesis momentum, I'll need a few days of beautiful weather--and the forecast calls for none.

Progress

I have three pages written of this chapter.  It doesn't sound like much, but it feels amazing.  After spending twelve hours on Wednesday attempting to write and accomplishing nothing, these three pages are a breakthrough.  The first paragraph feels perfect.  The second paragraph feels solid.  I needed those.  More than that-- I have an outline.  An outline!  True, it's not what some people might call a 'detailed' outline full of quotes and topic sentences, but it's my roadmap, I drew it, and I plan to follow where it leads.  I may make a few side-trips, though, or take a scenic route here and there.  The best part?  I'm wearing my new thesis dress.  I wrote about my other thesis dress-- the one covered in stars that goes with my discussion of astronomy, but this one is my air-balloon covered dress.  I didn't think I would find one, but then I did!  It's perfect.  When I start to feel overwhelmed, or uninspired, all I have to do is look at the fabric of my dress to remember why what I'm doing is actually really cool.  I have a feeling I won't be wearing much else besides these two dresses for the next couple of months.  Thank  goodness for my new laundry machine...

Joy Jar Updates

If I had yet bought a joy jar or started writing my thoughts out on scraps of paper, yesterday's would likely have read, "I received a wonderful package from my friend, Sarah.  Inside I found so many kinds of hand-made marmalades and preserves and quince paste and fruitcake and a pair of lovely earrings that, since I've lost my small jewelry box filled with my sentimental pieces somewhere in the move, were all the more dear."  Today's might read, "I finally wrote the first paragraph of this chapter that I had wanted to write all along, after such a hard-fought struggle with the blank page-- or worse, the page cluttered with fragments that never quite said what I felt and wanted to say."  The past two days have been a long, soul-wearying struggle to write, to feel, to speak-- but with the help of a winter care package and a couple of timely tunes from my Sondheim Pandora station (Stritch's version of "The Ladies Who Lunch" followed by the 2002 Broadway Cast Recording of "No One is Alone"), I feel like I've finally pulled through.  There will likely be rough days ahead, but I finally feel like I can weather this storm.

Joy Jar

I saw a thing recently (I think from Elizabeth Gilbert's Facebook page?) that advocated starting something called a "Joy Jar."  At the end of each day, you write on a slip of paper the date and the best thing that happened to you that day.  I suppose multiple 'happenings' could be written per day, if you can't choose a best.  Then you put the slips into a jar, and on especially bad days you can pull them out and read them.  But even on bad days you have to write something good, even if it's not something you would usually highlight.  Sort of a 'light in the darkness' kind of thing.  I'm thinking of starting one.

Today's might say, "I kept dropping brie and pepper jelly, which sounds like a really bad thing, but it ended up being a really funny thing, and Kay and Zan laughed at me a lot" or "I'm wearing my new cotton dress with shooting stars on it to try to get into a thesis-y mood."

Walls

I saw an advertisement for some silly smartphone app in the metro today, but it really hit home.  It said, "Some walls are made of fear.  But some are made of wall material."

Some Food Resolutions

In 2015, I resolve to eat breakfast.  I don't have work early in the morning this semester, so in addition to my morning cup of tea, I plan to actually eat something for breakfast-- either a bowl of cereal, an apple with peanut butter, or toast and honey, etc.  Which means I need to go buy some cereal, apples, and peanut butter.  A bit more difficult resolution: incorporate my slow-cooker into my weekly routine.  What with how crazy Zan's and my schedules are a slow-cooker can mean the difference between a healthy, home-cooked meal or ordering a pizza at 11:00 PM.  Seriously.  Also, more baked potatoes.  I love them, but I rarely think of making them.  They are so easy and delicious and so many toppings to play with-- and as a bonus, inexpensive!  Just like apples and peanut butter.  Looks like a tasty 2015 for me!

Word of the Year: Hope

Each year, my friend Rick chooses a "Word of the Year."  In light of my last post, the word of the year seems particularly apt: Hope.  As Rick explains, it's not hope like, "I hope I win," but Hope of the variety that makes the impossible possible.  This is a year of Hope, and I Hope, a year where that Hope stays kindled in my heart each day, and slowly morphs from Hope to Action to Reality.