Dreary Day

The rain rain rain is coming down down down today, to paraphrase Winnie-the-Pooh.  It's so dark and dreary out that this morning the cats didn't even realize it was time for breakfast, and they slept through until our 7:45 alarm without meowing at us to get up to feed them.  Bliss.  Despite the rain, I got out to the grocery store today because our situation was growing desperate.  Trader Joe's is always fun, too, and it was just the perfect kind of 'procrastinate-y' chore to do during finals weeks.  Plus, snacks!  Now I'm armed with crackers, hummus, goat cheese, dark chocolate-covered pomegranate seeds, the makings for bacon-wrapped dates, and more to help me get through my last two papers!

I turned in my Medieval Lit paper yesterday, and today I'm starting in on my Approaches to Teaching Lit project.  This one is tricky: it's not a paper, exactly, but it is a paper.  And lit reviews.  And finding other articles and explaining how we might use them to teach our chosen text.  And coming up with assignment sequences for teaching our text.  I think I might be making it harder in my head than it actually is, but knowing that may be the case doesn't help me to actually put this project together.  Plus, I have my Tudor Theater paper in the back of my mind, and it needs some serious work.  But, maybe this is the perfect weather for paper-writing and project-finishing.  Other than making me seriously consider a nap, it does induce a deep desire for tea and quiet.  And I certainly don't wish I could go outside and play. 


Image found here.

Classes, Colloquium, and 'Prom'

The past two days have been full of EGSA (English Graduate Student Association) events.  I finished up classes for the semester on Thursday, but the last day of classes felt very anti-climactic after such a long, tiring semester.  I still have so much to do before the semester really ends that I didn't feel able to celebrate, despite the bottle of wine and the cheese plate set up in the seminar room.  Two papers and a large final project stand between me and that feeling of sweet relief.  Eeesh.

On Friday morning I presented what I have so far of my Tudor Theater paper at the Graduate Student Colloquium, did a little work in the grad lounge, attended the last colloquium panel, then made 'Paper Plate Awards' for our second-years--with the help of my wonderful EGSA 'prom committee'-- which we handed out at 'prom.'  Yesterday was all about 'prom.'  I struggled with what dress to wear, fretted over who would pick up the paper plates from the grad lounge, and stressed over everything going perfectly.  Very little academic work got done as I tried to put on the best prom ever.  Luckily, the EGSA board is wonderful, and I got a lot of support.  I felt like in the end, I had to do very little, and everyone else helped to make the party go off without a hitch.  I hope the second-years had fun!

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from the 'photo-booth' that we set up (my camera on a tripod; bags of costume pieces to make the pictures more fun).

Prom was really fun, but I'm so glad that my EGSA duties are over for a few days so that I can concentrate on finishing up this semester strong!

Snack-Shop Marketing

I saw this sign outside the campus snack-shop yesterday, and couldn't not stop to take a picture.

Winner!

I just wanted to show everyone proof that I did indeed conquer 2048!  I think God let me win because He knew that if I didn't, I would never get my papers done.  After winning the game yesterday afternoon, I managed to get over 2000 words completed on my Medieval Lit paper.  Hooray!

And today I get to present those words in my second "conference-style" seminar of the semester.  The only good part about "conference-style" days?  Picking out what to wear!

Awesome Easter

I had a much better Easter break than I anticipated.  With my one paper due date pushed back, I actually got to take some time off... but I still feel a little guilty for not finishing my medieval lit paper yet.  That's what today is for, right?

So Easter break.  Thursday I struggled to find a good topic for my medieval lit paper.  I thought I had one awhile back, but when I talked to my professor in office hours, she didn't seem very enthusiastic about it.  So I thought a bit more, then came up with one I thought would work.  I spent Thursday going here, there, and everywhere looking for a place to write, spending time in the stacks at the library, and reading.  But our paper requirements for this class are very specific, and I wasn't sure how to make my new topic work with the paper requirements.  Thus, I scrapped all of that work and returned to the drawing board.  I thought and thought and read and requested books on Friday, then came up with what I think is a good paper topic that will work with the requirements.

On Saturday, Zan and I attended AwesomeCon here in D.C.  We arrived at about 10:40, hoping to catch Jewel Staite's photo-op and maybe Sean Astin's Q&A, but the line was so long (and we had pre-purchased tickets online!) that we didn't end up getting into the venue until about 11:50.  At that point, having missed the first two events we wanted, we pretty much just ran for the room with Jewel Staite's Q&A.  It was a really fun Q&A, and I kind of felt like my life had been made.  I've loved Jewel Staite since Flash Forward on the Disney Channel, and of course everyone loves Kaylee.  After her Q&A, Zan and I went to J. August Richard's Q&A.  It was pretty inspiring.  I think I have a new celebrity crush.  He spoke about the process he goes through to create a character, how he auditions, and what he brings creatively to projects.  My favorite was when asked what advice he would give to young people, he said, "Love acting for acting.  It's not movie premieres and glamour.  My favorite part is sitting with a script and going like this [mimes writing copious notes on the pages]."  Got me thinking a bit about my own work this year, and if I love academia for academia anymore.  I definitely used to, and there are times when it's still amazing.  But I feel very burned out this semester-- just bone-tired-- and keeping up that energy is hard.  My favorite days so far have been our paleography day and our Special Collections day.  There's still nothing quite like sitting in a library with old books trying to decipher them, realizing that all of these people existed once.

Anyway, after the Q&As we were quite hungry (hangry?), so Zan and I got pizza at Wise Guys, then spent a little bit longer in the exhibit hall of AwesomeCon looking at the wares.  Plus, we got to see a couple of celebs (Billie Piper! Nicholas Brendon!), but their autograph/photo lines were pretty long (and pretty expensive), and I needed to make it to the library before the circ desk closed.  So Saturday evening I spent another hour or so in the library, before walking home across the bridge with eleven books.  I think that counts as my daily work-out.  Then I spent a few more hours reading from those eleven books, making notes, and writing the first page of my paper.

Then yesterday!  Easter!  I woke up for an early Church service, then my parents and Zan and I had a nice Easter breakfast at a cafe we like, then I got an Easter basket from my parents.  It was "The Artist's Basket" with a little sketch pad and magic pens in addition to candy.  Absolutely perfect! Then I tried to nap.  Tried and failed, really.  I needed to work on my paper, but I didn't.  I played a lot of 2048 (I'm addicted) and Zan and I dyed Easter Eggs.  Since I didn't get to carve a pumpkin at Halloween this year, I felt justified in taking the time to dye some eggs.  We got pizza for dinner and watched Veronica Mars, and then I worked on my paper for thirty or so minutes before Game of Thrones came on.  Then again for an hour or so after Game of Thrones.  So, I guess I have my work cut out for me today.  Paper-time!

Breathing Room

Good news!  Yesterday in class, my professor moved our paper due date back until May!  I feel palpably relieved.  As she announced it, I felt the muscles in my shoulders loosen ever so slightly.  An almost giddy smile crossed my face.  Now, instead of writing blindly just to have written something to turn in, I can take a little more time, research more, restructure, edit, write with a bit of finesse.  Ponder word choices.  Maybe the paper won't turn out so badly after all!

Plus, I can turn my mind to the next pressing assignment (due this coming Tuesday): my medieval lit paper!  Instead of rushing through this one in a day, so as to complete my Tudor paper, I can spend some time on this project over the weekend!  I'm planning on writing about "Pearl," but the rest of the idea is still rather amorphous.  I spent a few hours in the stacks today, though, and found some really cool books on youth, desire, and death in the middle ages.  I'm pumped to get this started!

I received an e-mail today letting me know that summer starts in 24 days-- at least, according to the academic calendar.  I just need to push myself for 24 more days (less, really) and then I know I can make it through this program.  Since I did not buy any Georgetown swag after Fall Semester, despite a promise to myself that I would, I've decided that as soon as my papers are in for this semester, I will get a hoodie.  Maybe a bumper sticker, too.

Pushing Through

I suppose it's time for another April catch-up post, in the midst of the busy-ness.

On Friday, Kay and Brian were in town!  They came over and made dinner-- wonderful salmon quinoa cakes, sweet potato fries, and a mayo-sriracha sauce.  Zan and I provided salad and wine.  Yum!  After dinner, we headed into the city to see Mike and Josh in their operetta, Iolanthe.  I really enjoyed it-- Mike and Josh both stole scenes (so luckily, they were hardly ever in the same scene!).  It was really great to see a lot of people from GGSS, too, since I haven't been around much since February.  I guess that's what comes of not working on the spring show AND not being a law student!

I spent the weekend in Williamsburg.  My mom and I drove down on Saturday.  We hit heavy traffic, but we made it fun with a before 11:00 AM stop at a Dairy Queen for onion rings and an M&M blizzard.  Upon arriving, I visited the Shoe Attic to use the gift certificate that my dad gave me for Christmas.  I got a really fun pair of see-through Oxfords, a pair of basket-weave heels, and a new dress.  I'm very excited to wear them, now that spring has arrived!  After the shopping spree, my mom and I ate an early dinner at La Tolteca, stopped at Wawa for a vanilla coke, then returned home so I could write...and write... and attempt to write some more.  This paper for Tudor's has proven very difficult and demanding.  I really feel the labor involved in putting together paragraphs, constructing something from nothing.  I write a lot of papers, but for whatever reason, this one feels a million times more challenging than any paper I've written recently.  By midnight, I had finally churned out a solid page.  I tried to go to sleep, but my mind was churning with thoughts, brainstorms, worries... I got up, wrote a bit more, then finally fell asleep sometime after 2:00 AM.  Sunday was more devoted to writing.  For a break, my mom and I took a walk down DoG Street, got Cheese Shop sandwiches for lunch, and another vanilla coke.  Then I wrote some more.  I took a short late afternoon break, and we ran some errands, then I settled in for more writing.  I took my computer out to the screened porch to enjoy the warm air.  I drank sweet tea as I wrote.  I completed nine good, solid pages, and I managed to get direction for the rest of it. 

Sunday night and Monday I felt confident, but that confidence-- and my motivation--waned upon returning north.  The dreary weather today hurts, too, along with the added pressure to begin my paper for medieval literature in earnest.  Tomorrow I present what I've written so far for Tudors, then hopefully my mind will concentrate on medieval lit for a while without feeling guilty for not working more on my Tudor paper.  I know that once I finish it all, once I return home next Wednesday night, I'll feel a million times better.  But this is perhaps the toughest week I've had in this program so far.  I just need to find the will-power to push through, because a brilliant summer-- and a class I'm really looking forward to taking-- wait just around the corner!
 

April So Far

April so far has mostly felt like one giant anxiety attack, but that's not terribly interesting to read about for you all, so let me tell you about some of the good things that have happened in April.

1) I completed my teaching practicum for my pedagogy course, and it went really well!  I did a 20 minute lesson on Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises, and I'll be continuing with that novel into my final project.  I'm excited about this one, because it's so different from the research I usually do, and it's one of my favorite books.  It's pretty cool to read some literary criticism on it.  I especially enjoy the articles on Brett Ashley and the code hero.  Mind-blowing.

2) Today I made a Funfetti cake.  Because I could.  It smells good.  Icing was involved.

3) Yesterday Zan, his cousin Lily, and I went to IKEA together.  Besides getting to know Lily better (the obvious perk of the outing!), we got a desk!  This allows us to clear off our breakfast bar and actually use it for dining purposes, instead of as, well, a desk.  Huzzah!

4) Got to start working on some paleography skills in my Tudor seminar, reading a document dictated by Henry VIII to his secretary.  Very cool.  Very difficult to puzzle through, but worth it.

5) Made it to a milestone in Rosetta Stone (though I'm still in Level 1).

I'm sure other good things have happened in the past seven days, but I can't think of any offhand.  My time has been consumed with worrying about finding *perfect* paper topics and writing *perfect* papers.  I think I've found one paper topic.  I haven't started writing either paper.  Logically I know I still have a bit of time left, but that tight, fluttery, nervous feeling that grips my heart at the end of every semester set in early this year-- perhaps because my papers are due so much earlier-- and I'm so overwrought that I'm psyching myself out of paper topics left and right.  In an effort to keep my heart rate normal I'm watching television because opening books and reading works me up so much.  But I need to open those books if I'm going to get these papers done.  It's a vicious cycle.

If I can just get through the next couple of weeks it should be smooth sailing. *fingers crossed*

All of the Unknowns

After reading "The Clerk's Tale" from Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales this past weekend for class, I've been thinking a lot about Grizzle Cale again.  I came across Grizzle in the 1750-1800 August County Court Order Books back in 2010 when I was working as a research assistant.  All I know about Grizzle is that she had a husband named Jacob Cale and that at one point they came into court to certify a deed of gift or something.  That's all I know.  Likely, that's all there is available to know.  Perhaps if I really dug deep, I could find a record of their marriage, but that's assuming those records weren't burned or destroyed.  Maybe I could find something more on Jacob Cale-- maybe a birth record, or if he owned a little plot of land?-- but even so, what would that really tell me?  It wouldn't tell me the things I long to know.

I wonder what Grizzle looked like.  I wonder what color hair she had, what color eyes she had.  I wonder if she and Jacob had children, and how many, and if they lived.  I wonder if she loved Jacob and if he loved her.  I wonder if they hated each other.  I wonder who she was friends with, and I wonder if she ever visited market fairs.  I wonder what colors she loved.  I wonder what she liked to eat, and if she brewed beer (likely), and if she did, what it tasted like.  I wonder if she could read (as I recall, she made her mark, so probably not-- but some people could read even if they couldn't write).  I wonder what stories she knew, and what stories she told, and what songs she sang.  I wonder if she embroidered, and what the things she embroidered looked like, if she did.  I wonder what her maiden name was.  I wonder if her name was really Griselda, or if it was Grizzle and if it was pronounced Grizzle like "grizzly bear" or if it was pronounced Grizzle like "Giselle" but with an 'R'.  I hope her story was nothing like that of Griselda in "The Clerk's Tale," unless she got to have just the happy ending part with her husband loving and cherishing her, and her children living. 

Grizzle sticks out to me, because of her name, but there were countless other people in those order books just as inscrutable.  I remember one time having the macabre thought that everyone I read about in the order books had died and no one would ever know anything more about most of them than the sentence or two they were allotted in the books for securing a bond or certifying a deed.  Just name after name.  Then, I turned the wheel and the microfilm revealed a blank page with a little drawing on it, a doodle of one of the clerks in the court, to judge by the name written under the tiny informal portrait.  It made me feel relieved to see a picture.  To see that, for at least one them, there was something more than a name.  All of them, all of them were flesh and blood.  All of them had thoughts and feelings and lives.  And even if most of it is unrecoverable, isn't it enough to know that they were there?  Aren't these glimpses of the past worth it, just to remember that we are not alone in our strife, or in our joy, and that none of this is new?

I'm not really sure where I want this post to end up, or what I mean by this.  Perhaps all it means is that I should really be a historian, or a biographer, or a story-teller.  But somehow, it means more.  I can't exactly articulate what I mean, but I'm very glad to know that one person, at least, remembers that once there was a woman named Grizzle Cale.  She's not forgotten, even if she's mostly unknown.