Thanksgiving

Today has been nice. Chill. Just hanging out with my parents, which has been lovely, eating good food at the King's Arm's Tavern, taking a nap, and reading The Shoemaker and the Tea Party and Princes of Ireland, Planters of Maryland. Also hanging out with my cat, which is the usual bi-product of reading; he sees me sitting on the couch and immediately tries to distract me or sit on my lap. The only sad part about Thanksgiving break is that Williamsburg empties out, and I have none of my friends around. In a way, I suppose that's helpful for productivity, but less helpful for happiness.

Still, I have much to be thankful for, and that's what this day is all about. I have wonderful parents, who love me and always have faith in me. I don't know what I would do without them. They have given me so much confidence and support. They are always there when I need them for anything and everything, from vanilla cokes, to discussing papers, to life problems. They are everything to me. And, while on family, I have an amazing cousin who I love and consider one of my absolute best friends. I got to see him while I was home last weekend and it was fantastic.

And I have amazing friends, some of the best in the world. I don't know what I would have done this semester without their constant love and commiseration. From late night conversations about anything and everything, to lunches at La Tolteca, to movie nights (Mario Bros? Twilight drinking game? Yes, please), to hanging out in their apartments writing papers, to simply being able to call and hang out when I'm stressed or down, they have been so wonderful to me. Even my friends far away have seemed closer this semester, especially thanks to the joys of G-Chat. :) I'm not sure I could have survived this semester without their love.

I'm thankful, too, for grad school, even though I complain. I'm lucky to be able to get an advanced degree, to have a stipend, and to live in a safe town in a comfortable home. Sure, I want more from life than Williamsburg can offer, but right now this degree is what I need and will help me with my dreams. Plus, I've met some great people in the program.

Finally, I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family and friends-- it's something very precious and we don't even realize it until it's gone.

So, that's what I'm thankful for-- family, friends, knowledge, health, and amenities. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Oh, Academia. Oh, Life.

Guh... I just turned in my last paper for Professor Hoffman's class. I have no idea how I did, but after class discussion I'm thinking not so hot. I guess I'll find out next Monday. I feel drained of all energy. Partially that could be due to staying up late last night to finish the paper, and waking up early this morning for no good reason at all. Then again, it could be that I don't think I comprehended the arguments of Gordon Wood and Merrill Jensen very accurately and probably screwed up by saying they generally agreed in their assessment of the Constitution. Or, it could be that I have nearly lost my voice and burned my finger on a tray from the oven just before class, thus forcing me to keep it held in a cup of water the entire discussion.

I could use a drink. LUCKILY, there's a Twilight "Mock-The-Movie" drinking game party going on tonight, so at least that much will make everything all better.

Other than the past few hours, today has generally been good, believe it or not. I met with Professor Lounsbury this morning, and what he had to show me about colonial American theater and David Douglass was fascinating.  He really made me feel so excited about my thesis. And looking at the theater construction is amazingly interesting! I'm dying to go see the Georgian Theatre in Richmond (England).

After meeting with him, I ran over to Blair to meet up with Professor Popper, with whom I am going to do an independent study next semester. I'm INCREDIBLY stoked about this. I get to create my own syllabus for an independent readings course on Shakespeare in performance in the Renaissance theater through the Restoration. SO EXCITED! And Professor Popper is fantastic. I really like talking with him, and I think this course will really help me with applications to Shakespearian theaters. And even if not, it will still be great. I just need to talk to people (like perhaps, Callie and Katie?) about good readings to put on my syllabus.

So overall, the day wasn't a total bummer. But guh, Topics in American Revolutionary Era just killed it. Hopefully Twilight, in some sick way, will resuscitate it. :)

"I don't tell the truth, I tell what ought to be the truth"

Today I got to go see A Streetcar Named Desire starring Cate Blanchett as Blanche du Bois. She was absolutely amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, and heart-breaking. The play was superb. Her descent into madness was breath-taking. She managed to reign it back, letting it out little by little and just when you thought she had gone over the edge, she went one step more. The actors playing Stanley and Stella were fantastic, too. Stanley was terrifying, pyschologically abusive and fascinating. Utterly captivating. The show lasted over three hours and I never noticed the time passing. Also, Cate Blanchett runs like me! When she flitted across the stage for the curtain calls and during set changes she did the Abigail Run!!! I was so thrilled! I have idolized this woman since I was ten years old when my dad took me to see her in Elizabeth-- watching her acting live absolutely made my month, my semester, perhaps my year.

Really, an amazing performance. The line that is the title of this post most struck me-- Blanche tells Mitch that she doesn't tell the truth, she tells what ought to be the truth. She wants to be sunshine in the lives of those she knows. She doesn't want reality, but what reality should be. It was sad to watch the character struggle against everything that had befallen her and, as an audience member knowing that the worst was yet to come, yet she still tries to justify herself. And isn't that all anyone really wants? Not the truth, but what the truth ought to be?

Oh, for the theater! I miss it so much. I miss being in plays, working backstage, cast/crew bonding, cast parties, inside jokes, costumes, lights, make-up, props, magic. I hope I get an internship in a theater next fall. I'm dying for the theater again. I love history, but I'm realizing more and more that I simply cannot live without the theater.

I'm back from DC now, though. I went to dinner with Kacey tonight at Outback Steakhouse and got a sirloin and lobster tail, but instead of one normal sized tail I got three little tails. Fun-sized, I called them. That got us talking about candy-bar sizes and why. Why fun-sized? Is it because you are having fun, like at a party, when you get that size? Or you can eat that size and still go out and have fun later? Then, the mini-sized should be 'craving sized.' Because you eat that size when you think, "Geez, I'd just like a little chocolate." The medium sized should be 'average sized,' because you get that on an average day, when you want a candy bar. And finally, King sized should be 'eating-your-feelings sized,' because honestly, you get King sized when you have had a shitty day or week. Plus, calling it 'eating-your-feelings sized' might cut back on American obesity, as no one wants candy bars called 'eating-your-feelings sized.'

Race to the Finish Line

I'm so close to the end of the semester that I can taste it. Sadly, I looked over my reading for Hoffman's class (I have the paper due this week) and my good mood evaporated. So much reading. I want to cry. Plus, I'm currently struggling through Culture of the Baroque: Analysis of a Historical Structure and I'm finding it incredibly difficult. It reminds me of my reading for LCST 301.

An example sentence from said book, chosen at random: "Although it remains indispensable to consider external characteristics, specific morphological data, which are undoubtedly important, we cannot limit ourselves to these data nor can we assume that explaining their raison d'etre will allow us to understand what the baroque represented in European and particularly Spanish culture (pg. 207)."

Furthermore, my house just feels unclean. I'm trying to make it clean, but the downstairs feels messy and I don't have time to go to the grocery store, and my study is cluttered, and I need to do laundry and I have so much reading to do. Bah.

Good news though! We got tickets to see A Streetcar Named Desire at the Kennedy Center this weekend, so I'm going home for Friday and Saturday. Hopefully I can get some good reading done at home. I also got my dress for Kristi's wedding! It's a silver-gray paisley fabric with cream lace. It's called a "Christine Dress" named after Christine Daae from Phantom of the Opera, so guess what's been playing in my car recently?

Also, I found out that Maud Hart Lovelace, the author of my wonderful Betsy-Tacy books, wrote a historical novel entitled The Charming Sally about the Hallam theater troupe in colonial America!!!! There's even a chapter called "Williamsburg." OMG! A fictionalized version of my thesis by a woman I adore!!! I really feel like this is God endorsing my thesis idea.

And, my mom is in town, so she took me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast this morning, which was lovely. I had eggs, biscuits with apple butter, bacon, hashbrowns, hot chocolate, and got to see all of their Christmas-y goodness. Over Thanksgiving break I am planning to buy stockings and decorations for me and Stephen. :)

And I Say, It's Alright

The sun came out today! You have no idea how much this has improved my disposition. The past week has been gloomy and sad, but finally, today, we have the sun again.

I've been in a very odd mood all weekend. It really started on Friday, I suppose. I have been torn by a need to do work and a desire to go out and have fun. I feel so burned out. I'm at my "rebellious teenage phase" of this semester; that is, the phase in which I say "No! I don't want to do this reading and you can't make me!" Of course, I end up doing the readings, but I just haven't been into it at all. And there's so much reading. And a presentation due tomorrow.

This weekend has felt in some sense wasted. I haven't been at all academically productive and nothing has happened with any of my interpersonal relationships either. Friday night I ran the IEW Student Music and Dance Event at the Kimball, and it actually turned out rather well! We had 71 people attend (much better than I anticipated) and I got to hang out with a girl named Bailey who seems really nice and chill. Plus, it went fast once it was underway-- we started at 8:00 and I was out of there by 9:00. After that, I went home and watched some Comedy Central with Stephen and his bio friends until 11:00, when Stephen and I went to the I.T Comedy Sportz Show. They did a fantastic job with everything! It was also really high-tech-- when did I.T. get so nice?

The rest of Friday I just felt restless and... bad. I don't know. Saturday wasn't a whole lot better. I didn't really get any reading done (only about... 50 pages or so) and I just didn't want to do anything. That's a lie-- I wanted to veg out on the couch with movies. Didn't happen. I ended up going out, though, Saturday night for drinks with the grad students and one of Stephen's friends who is visiting. It was a nice time. But I woke up this morning with a sense of dread about all of the reading I need to do today.

But the sun came out! I have a feeling that everything will be alright.

Nicknames

If you know me at all, you know I love the TV show The Gilmore Girls. I was watching an episode the other day while eating my near-daily grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup (mmm grad student food!), and at a Friday Night Dinner Emily told Lorelei and Rory that her friend Sweetie had died. Lorelei asked how Sweetie got her nickname. Emily makes up some very long, intricate story to satisfy Lorelei's curiosity, but it got me to thinking about nicknames.

I tend to give nicknames to people after awhile of knowing them (for example, Kay-diddle), and I've noticed that people give nicknames to me, too. While some of them I cherish, not all of them are appreciated.

Lots of people call me Abby-- mostly professors. They all ask at the beginning of the class if I go by a nickname, and I always tell them no, I prefer Abigail, but apparently it's no good. The problem is, if in class a a professor calls you Abby, suddenly the whole class knows you as Abby. And seriously, I can stand many nicknames, but I've never been a fan of Abby. I'll respond, of course, but after awhile it drives me crazy. In class a few weeks ago one other student kept referring to things I had said by calling me Abby and I literally wrote in huge letters in my notebook "ABIGAIL" just to keep myself from yelling it out.

Even worse is "Crabby-Abby." My PE teacher in 5th grade used to call me that. It combined "Crabby" with my least favorite nickname "Abby" and I was MISERABLE.

Somehow, though, Abi seems ok. The spelling makes a huge difference. I still hate it when people call me Abi/Abby, but if I see it written as Abi I feel much less bad about it. I've had several friends and (ex) boyfriends over the years write to me as Abi or even call me Abi (which in the "ex" case should have been a sure sign to break up ;), right?), and I never mind it so much when I see it spelled out that way.

Other friends of mine call me Ab, which isn't bad. It's better than Abby, that's for certain, and because I'm usually quite close with the people who call me Ab, it's even better than Abi, whether said or spelled. My friends Dana and Emily call me Ab or Abs, and for them either is okay. :)

Usually, though, my father calls me Abs. He's called me Abs since I was born. I sort of think of that name as being reserved for him. Sometimes other people that I don't know well call me Abs, and it's a little jarring, because that's the name that my dad uses and only he can legitimately use, at least in my opinion. Every e-mail and every birthday card is addressed to his wonderful daughter, Abs. I love my Dad, and I love hearing from him and having him call me Abs. (Also, that's the URL of this blog-- absandtherealworld)

One of my best friends, Mike J., calls me Absi and I love that nickname! It's my "name" on blogger, and I just don't know what I would do if Mike ever quit calling me Absi. I forget how we even stumbled upon it, but it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I'm called Absi by people that I love.

Of course, I prefer Abigail in most situations. So, if you want to get on my good side, stick with Abigail and I will probably think you're the most awesome person ever for not trying to make me an Abby! :)

How do you all feel about nicknames? Got any good ones?

"It's this day not me that's bound to go away!"

November 9th has come and gone, and I have survived. It took lots of hard work and the past weekend was spent nearly entirely alone with my books, but I accomplished everything necessary. Since the beginning of the semester I've been rather dreading November 9th. Between first day of classes and November 9th in my Golden Age of Spain class I had three book reviews and a prospectus and annotated bibliography due, in addition to appended readings. In Hoffman's class I had two papers due (the third is due November 23rd) and tons of reading. Tons. Really, someone once asked me what the class was called and my friend replied "Topics in How to Kill A Grad Student." And in my thesis class I've had due a prospectus and annotated bibliography, and now I have a 20-minute presentation due on Monday. No rest for the weary, but I survived November 9th. I have successfully turned in all three book reviews, managed two decent prospectuses and bibliographies, and kept up with the reading for all of my classes. This has not been easy, and there's a month left to go, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. December 4th is not that far off. :)

In case anyone is interested, I will tell you a little bit about what exactly I'm researching, because I'm not sure if I ever have. First of all, my thesis: I'm in a Comparative History Masters program, so my thesis has to compare something, or be transnational in some sense. Comparative History is pretty awesome in how open it is, and how creative you can be with topics. For my thesis, I'm comparing eighteenth-century English theater with colonial American theater. I am focusing on a theater company led by Hallam, and later Douglass, called The London Company of Comedians, later known as The American Company. As implied by their original name, this troupe came from London to perform in the colonies, and traveled a circuit which includes Williamsburg. In fact, Douglass built his first theater here in Williamsburg in 1760, then built others in Philadelphia, Charleston, and Jamaica. I'm planning on looking at the effect that theater had upon the identity of the colonists. In The Marketplace of Revolution, T.H Breen argues that the consumption of British goods led the colonists to feel more connected to the British empire, enhancing their feelings of "Britishness," until they could bind together in boycotts and non-consumption agreements, which then strengthened their feeling of American unity. In a sense, that's what I'm arguing about theater, at least the professional London companies which dominated colonial theater. The similarities between the playgoing experience in London and America contributed to a feeling of "Britishness" in the colonies until the Revolution, when theater was seen as "too English" and they boycotted theater just as they did other luxury goods. Douglass and his American Company waited out the Revolution in Jamaica.

I'm also going to try to incorporate the return of The American Company after the Revolution (in 1786 they came back to the States). I want to see how they changed their repertoire, how they adapted to the new political climate, and how the former colonists responded to the theater after the Revolution, especially theater done by British subjects who had left during the Revolution. So, in that way, I will be comparing American theater pre-and-post Revolution, as well as comparing English and colonial American theater. It's a multi-layered project.

My other major assignment right now is my research paper for Golden Age of Spain. Here I'm rather restricted by my inability to read Spanish, Portuguese, or Hebrew, so I have decided to approach my topic historiographically (that is, I am looking at the way the topic has been discussed by historians in the past few decades, and the major arguments within the field). For my paper, I'm examining converso identity after the expulsion of the Jews from Spain. Conversos are any person who can trace their lineage back to a forcibly converted Jew. Not all conversos actually retained any Jewish beliefs, but all were far more likely to come under the scrutiny of the Inquisition, so after 1492 many fled to Portugal or other places on the continent. After the establishment of the Portuguese Inquisition in 1536, those conversos in Portugal also fled into Europe, many to Amsterdam, where they had a community. For my paper I'm focusing mostly on the community in Amsterdam because it was very important to converso societies throughout Europe.

Converso identity is hard to pin down because it has an ethnic, religious, and "national" quality to it. Conversos, of course, were racially Jewish, at least in part, so even those conversos who had no wish to practice Judaism and who legitimately believed in Christian teachings were often welcomed by community members (NOT leaders who wanted pure rabbinic practices). On the other hand, many did want to practice Judaism, but they had different ideas about Judaism-- they felt that they had adequately kept the Law of Moses while living in Iberia. Some were crypto-Jews who combined Catholic and Jewish beliefs. Some practiced traditional rabbinic Judaism. It's a wide spectrum. Then, they all had great pride in their Iberian heritage. In the communities Portuguese and Castilian were the main languages and they looked down upon the Ashkenazi Jews who they regarded as inferior and less-educated. The converso communities were greatly influenced by their Iberian roots, many kept in touch with family in Spain or Portugal, and some even continued to travel there for mercantile purposes (though sometimes in their travels they fell into the clutches of the Inquisition). Anyways, it's complicated business, this converso identity.

Beyond these two things, I am also trying to keep up with my American Rev readings, which proves difficult when the library loses the readings on reserve, as they did yesterday. Thanks Swem! Those readings, as I've mentioned, are excessive, but extremely interesting. Not this Monday, but the next Monday I have a paper due on "The Constitution: Political or Social Document?" I've never really gotten to study the Constitution, so I'm looking forward to actually sitting down and learning about the creation of this thing that dominates American politics. I'm also still trying to get through books in Golden Age of Spain; right now it's "Writing Women in Late Medieval and Early Modern Spain," about female authors, usually nuns or religious writings. And of course, I'm preparing for my thesis presentation! Let me just stress for a moment how much I love the CW Rockefeller Library for having so many amazing sources for me that Swem just does not have. :)

I would tell you all about the fun things I've been doing with my life, but basically what I just outlined for you is it. There has been a little bit of drama in the past few days with people text-messaging me that I never really expected to hear from again, or people who are very forward, but that's peripheral. I did see Twelfth Night last Thursday, presented by SitD, and it was amazing. Truly wonderful. I went out for drinks with some people after the show, and that was fun, too. Um... Saturday evening Shea came to visit me (she was my flatmate when I studied abroad) and we watched a silly Nickelodeon show called iCarly and got ice cream at Maggie Moo's. And then Sunday I went out to dinner with Zan, Allison (who was visiting from Georgetown!) and Sarah Lifka. But seriously, these things were brief hourly respites from days at Swem and Blair. Mmm Winter Break. Can't come fast enough.

The Phantom Tollbooth

I'm currently at the Reves Center. I've been processing evaluations from Summer Study Abroad programs for the last two hours, and I just can't take it anymore. Especially not the Florence ones. I really don't think anyone here would understand why processing Florence evaluations is so emotionally taxing for me, especially considering that I really did not care for my study abroad experience there. So, why does reading about Chianti make me tear up? Why does a flood of memories come rushing back that actually make me care? Well, I think we can all surmise the reason for that.

But anyways, I'm bored with life. I ironed out the complications of a few days ago, and now... there's nothing to do. I mean, there's plenty. I have a book review to write by tomorrow, several books to read by Monday for Hoffman, and a prospectus and annotated bibliography due for Professor Homza by Monday. Luckily I got the reading done for Spain class yesterday. But those things aren't life-- those things are school. And while I am getting some enjoyment from them, I want something exciting to happen! I want a (non-harmful to anyone I know or love) mystery to solve! I want plane tickets to Europe or Asia or Africa!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!

So I think I will pretend that when I get home in half an hour I will find a mysterious package waiting outside my door with no return address. It will have a sign that says, "For Abigail, Who Is Bored With Life." I will open it and find inside a mysterious tollbooth that I can easily set-up. And then... adventure will be begin!

Ain't No Sunshine.

This has been the most Novemberish of November 1sts. Daylight savings ended, so it got dark earlier tonight than it has been, but even beyond that the weather has been gray and cloudy and rainy and cold. October 31st was warm, and before 2:00 AM clear, but not November 1st. Plus, it's November 1st, which means I should have far more schoolwork done than I do, but life has been acting complicated lately, so I'm trying to sort out life. I can't concentrate on schoolwork. Especially not with rainy, cold, "stay-in-bed-with-a-good-book-not-related-to-academic-history," type weather.

The bright spot in the past few weeks has been hanging out with Kacey again on a more regular basis. We had lunch and dinner together today to commiserate about Halloween and life, which made me happy in between reading periods at Swem. I'm so sick of reading I could cry. How much I do not want schoolwork amazes me. This is worse than senior year. I just want a good solid week off, then maybe I could actually feel like reading again.

Last night was Halloween! Beautiful and brilliant, with so many intricacies! I spent the day reading (of course) and then went to a graduate student party dressed as Belle. I was only there for about two hours, but it was nice. We aren't a crazy group, nor a particularly close one, but I had fun talking to the students who were there. I told one of the guys that I was going to be Sally Bowles at my next party, and he showed me his vinyl album of Cabaret. Honestly, he's the absolute last person I would have thought would have liked that musical... or any musical. I left there around 9:00, grabbed my Sally Bowles costume, then headed over to Megan and Kacey's to get ready for the I.T. party. Kacey dressed as Brett Michaels and CJ and Megan were her ho's. They even made a VIP pass. It was hilarious. We headed over to the I.T. party and I got to see and meet so many people. It was a really fun time. I wish it could always be Saturday night, and most always Halloween. I love Halloween-- everyone dresses up, there are specials on TV, great movies, smiles, parties... and now it's November. What a dreadful month. Suddenly the beauty of autumn begins to turn into the cold gray of winter without anything until the end of the month (Thanksgiving) to even feel slightly cheery. Just Spain class and thesis-ing. Blegh. And sorting out messes that I made myself, and some that just landed on my shoulders for no good reason.

Why is life so complicated all of a sudden?