Thinking on My Resolutions

I hate to call a year before it's over (and we still have a few hours left!), but I've already started to think about the new year.  In my reflections on this past year I've discovered that I didn't do so well in my resolutions: I only made it to church seven times.  I Rosetta Stoned diligently for a month or so, picked it back up over the summer, then lost it again.  I bought ballet slippers but never got to a class.  I came close to the kind of road trip I imagined with a weekend drive up to Pennsylvania, and I spent a few days in New Mexico seeing my grandma, a few days at the beach in Florida, and a few days in Disney World, but never really got to do the kind of spontaneous, freeing holiday that I envisioned.  And, finally, though I tried to choose happiness each day, I didn't quite succeed in my endeavor.  In fact, I came close to failing that resolution totally in October.

I'm not saying that 2014 was a wash-- many good things happened!-- but it could have been better.  I could've been better.  I let stress overwhelm me.  I fell into bad habits like using Facebook to 'relax' (hint: not a good way to relax), instead of using my time to try out new classes or to start new projects.  This isn't to say I didn't work hard-- I did.  I worked harder than ever in my courses this year.  But everyone needs some time for themselves, and instead of using my 'me' time productively, I wasted it.  The thing is, this isn't the first year this has happened; in fact, it seems like a pattern.  Whenever I'm not actively reading or writing for grad school, I have trouble engaging with other projects, classes, and commitments.  Even attending church fell victim to the idea that leaving the house meant waving goodbye to a potentially academically productive morning.  But having identified this pattern, I hope to remedy it in 2015.  Instead of choosing to stay home (thereby falling into internet rabbit-holes), I will go out and experience the city.  And if I do stay in, I'll get off the computer and start some new artistic projects.  Plus, I have a beautiful new kitchen perfect for trying out recipes from the new cookbooks I got for Christmas! 

I don't know what will happen with my blog in the new year.  I've not felt like writing regularly in a long time.  It's been a struggle to get to five posts a month for awhile now-- much less the ten per month that I used to strive towards!  Perhaps I need to refresh the look, or to move my writing to a new place altogether.  Perhaps I need to take a break and start up again once I've finished my M.A.  Or maybe I just need to come to terms with posting only once or twice a month.  So don't look for me here as much in 2015.  I don't consider myself a 'blogger,' obviously-- I'm just writing for friends, not to appeal to a large audience--but until this becomes a place to share my inspirations and creations again, I don't think I'll visit too often.  But perhaps when I do return it will be with news of a ballet class, or a tasty new recipe, or the progress of an embroidery project, or just how excited I am with my thesis work.  I hope to return with my resolutions on track, and a sense of hope regarding the path(s) before me.

Here's to 2015.