Round and Round

I just feel so frustrated right now. Not unhappy, there's a difference, but so damn frustrated. I think maybe I've been gone too long. I have this itch to start working on my thesis again, but all of my books and resources are in Williamsburg. And, since I can't do that, and since I'm currently unemployed until August (which sucks, by the way. I really miss having my own income, and this is the first time since sophomore year of college that I haven't had a paying job... or two. And at least before that I had 9-3, five day a week, volunteer position at the Smithsonian, which felt like a job.), I feel that I ought to be being creative and productive in other ways. The problem is that I'm feeling overly critical of myself lately. I try to read fiction and think, "This is your chance to do all of those things you say you would do if you weren't in school!" So, guiltily, I put the book down.

Then, I grab my camera all set to get back into photography, take a picture and think, "This is crap." I get out my clay, make a new ring, all shiny and pretty with a crystal in the middle, and think, "I could have done better." I try to write fiction or poems and think, "These sound young/pretentious." All of my creative ideas are falling flat with me. I feel like I'm being cut off at every pass, with every idea and every person.

I'm a spinning top looking for a clear direction.

Barring that, here are a few of the photos that I did find decent-ish.




(Sphinx, Sphinx, and the outfit I'm wearing to Shea's wedding tomorrow; photos are mine, please do not repost without attribution)