Simple Joys

For an idea of how I'm feeling right now, I give you a post that my friend Cat wrote. Blood, sweat, and tears, amen. Worrying about what I will do when I'm done with grad school, also a huge concern. I spend four hours a day reading microfilm, then another few hours reading for my thesis, and I still feel as if I'm so far behind I can't stand it. This feeling of stress isn't new; in fact, it's almost comfortingly familiar, in a bad way. After this summer, I kind of can't believe that I let myself go through the past four or five years feeling this way. Constantly worrying, not hanging out with my friends when I get the chance, and having panic attacks at 2:00 PM (because, what happened to the day??? How is it 2:00 PM? I've been awake since 8:00 and have done nothing with my life! (Oh right, I've spent four hours reading microfilm, and I've eaten lunch.))

Basically, I'm feeling at a complete loss about where to go. Maybe that last bit is new. I haven't felt quite like that before. It seems now that every time I think I'm on track, I find that I can't please everyone on my committee, or else myself. I keep looking at my thesis materials with a sense of bewilderment. How do all of these go together again? Where is my argument? It must be somewhere in these piles of notes and books!!!

But, I know (as Cat notes) that all of these stressful feelings aren't good for my sanity. So I've begun to think about all of the little, lovely things that happen in my life.

I love the way my cabinet smells like the English Breakfast and Earl Grey teas that I just bought.
I love talking to my best friends on G-chat while drinking said tea.
I love calling my mom every morning and being able to tell her everything.
I love my yoga class, and how much calmer I feel afterward.
I love getting sweet-nothing text messages from my boyfriend.
I love having dinner at the apartment, and playing a board game.
I love Trader Joe's risotto, which I eat too much.
I love making and eating lunch while watching the Travel Channel.
I love the autumn weather that's slowly rolling in.
I love finding interesting cases in the Court Order Books I'm reading.
I love getting to set my own hours with my job.
Actually, I love my job. I get to read documents from the 1700s!
I love knowing that I'm not alone in my stressed-out mindset.

And really, I love the eighteenth-century. I love, love, love it.

So I guess, that makes all of this worthwhile.