How Much I Love You

From discovering Rachel's magical healing kisses (especially when applied to the tiny scraped knees of a four-year-old), to turkey cooked in The Green Egg, to my Aunt Nina's delicious tortilla soup, I couldn't have asked for a better Thanksgiving. For the first time in EIGHT years, we made our way to Texas for Bob and Nina's big family Thanksgiving.

I always forget how much I love my family until I'm with them. I hadn't seen Lauren, Rachel, and Becca since I was fifteen, which is entirely too long. I hadn't seen Hannah and Katy since the summer, though that was sad and brief, and Josh, well, Josh. He's like a brother. Somehow, though, when we're all together we just fall right in with each other like the oldest of friends. Strange for people who have never lived very near each other, and Josh was meeting some of the cousins for the first time. Yet from the first moment of walking into the house, greeted by Rachel in her pink apron working on an apple almond crumble pie, I felt surrounded by love. It's like as we grow older we all find more common ground. Our childish shyness has worn away, and within minutes we're talking frankly with each other about our lives. We have nothing to fear because underneath it all, we know that we love each other. That nothing will change that. But we're getting to know each other as adults, too, for the first time. I found that Becca and I could talk for hours about history and theory, as well as about boyfriends and parties; with Lauren I could discuss family and health; with Katy almost anything at all instantaneously. And I love Rachel's free spirit and her demeanor belies such a vivaciousness. And in the pictures, how we all look like each other-- tall and dark-haired, except for Josh and Hannah with their blond hair and beautiful eyes. Definitely-- no matter our coloring-- all Fine's. We all come from other places, too, and carry a separate heritage the others do not share, but something strong runs through us and connects us all. And those separate heritages fascinate me, too, for those I've met from the other sides of all of my cousins families and even my own are the most amazing, creative people.

Thanksgiving was wonderful-- so many pies!!! Also sweet potatoes, two kinds of stuffing, spinach and mushrooms, cranberry sauce, chile rellano, and turkey. During the day we snacked on amazing cheeses and dips, a bowl of spiced apples, and, of course, my Aunt Nina's tortilla soup-- the best soup in the whole world. I got to catch up with my Aunt Nina and Uncle Bob, Aunt Mary, Aunt Dixie, and Auntie Ellyn-- who I will always think of as the embodiment of the grandmother I never met, for she is poised and graceful as I've always imagined Grandma Fine must have been, from the stories. We drank red and white wines, we watched part of Mary Poppins, we sat in little circles and talked, Rachel gave me a beautiful pair of shoes which didn't fit her (for this, I will without a doubt love her forever-- pretty sure I exclaimed "Oh my God, you're the best cousin ever!!!"), we watched the Cowboys vs. Saints game (Hannah's boyfriend was a Saints fan in Dallas so he went outside to cheer their win), and as we gathered around our Thanksgiving meal, we prayed in Hebrew, thanking God for everything we have and remembering those lost to us this year.

At the end of the night, Lauren got out the guitar, and I sat in the living room next to Becca listening while she and Rachel played and sang. They started with slower songs, Regina Spektor and a Cat Powers song called "Sea of Love". Slowly, more and more people gathered. Uncle Bob joined in and then another guitar was brought out for my Uncle Pat, my Aunt Dixie sat down at the piano, and before I knew it we all were singing "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)" at the top of our lungs. And in that happy gathered circle, I felt at home. And I'm so, so thankful that this is my family.

(Cousins and boyfriends, Fine's and Reisman's, LOVE)