First Snow

It snowed last night!-- ever so briefly and lightly, and most of it has disappeared this morning. A little still clung to the branches of trees when I looked out the window just after sunrise, but I think it has gone by now. For once, I didn't expect it. Most winters of my life I compulsively check the weather forecasts when the temperature drops, waiting impatiently to see snow predicted. Last night, I stepped outside with Zan when without warning tiny, perfect flakes fell onto our faces and our coats. It felt like magic. There wasn't enough snow to walk in, to hear that woolen-crunch sound and to walk in each others footsteps to keep from disturbing the field of white, but even so when I got out of my car alone last night and began towards the house, the silence had that snow quality to it. The absolute silence of snow, how every sound seems softened, muted. It feels peaceful.

Peace would be good right now. I've worked myself into a bit of a tizzy the past week. I want to work on Christmas gifts (and I want them to be the perfect gifts-- I take great joy in finding/creating the perfect gifts), I want to work on my thesis, and I need to get up to Richmond to read a few more reels of microfilm. And last night I got a flat tire, so there's that to deal with, too. I think I'm done with applications for now, so that's helpful, but I find that I'm sleeping poorly at night, tossing and turning, waking up in a cold sweat, and then waking up for good about an hour before my alarm, unable to fall back asleep. I would take afternoon naps, but I don't feel like I have time. I think I've unnecessarily put a lot of pressure on this holiday season to be perfect, and I realize it's only in my mind, so I'm trying to take a breath and let it go... but with everything else going on, it's difficult.

I'm very full of thoughts and I wish to quiet them long enough to enjoy the season. Perhaps a little more snow would do the trick.