The past couple of weeks have been, frankly, miserable. There's been nothing that I can pinpoint as being absolutely wrong, but I've felt so off. When I think about it, everything is the same as always and, perhaps, better. Hamlet rehearsals are continuing well and I think the show will be amazing; I've met with Glenn about dramaturgy for The Winter's Tale and rehearsals for that start Monday; I've finished doubling charts for Mucedorus and Mother Bombie; I've gotten some reading done for fun this summer; I've watched more 30 Rock than I ever imagined; I feel like I've become real friends with my roommate, Alicia, and a couple of the other interns.
Yet, a lot of days still feel like days where all I want to do is curl up with ice cream and Pride and Prejudice-- the 1995 BBC version, of course. I miss Williamsburg, I miss being outside during the summer, reading by the pool (rehearsals guarantee lots of time in a windowless room). I miss feeling certain about where I stand with people and where people stand with me. My heart is crying out for Captiva Island and the ocean. I'm on edge, a bit, I think about the upcoming move to Seattle-- I start driving across the country in 6 1/2 weeks! 6 1/2 weeks until I've left Virginia, until it's no longer my home, likely for good. At least I have an apartment, and I think it's a nice place and the building manager seems very nice. And I'm genuinely excited for my program to start; I signed up for TA orientation courses yesterday.
Still, I feel more keenly than ever that I'm at a crossroads now and have decisions to make that will affect the rest of my life. Or perhaps that I've already made those decisions. I'm not sure which it is, and maybe that's also upsetting. Everything feels off. A huge part of me wishes I could just leave Staunton for awhile to go visit friends or to spend a long weekend in Williamsburg, or to go anywhere warm and familiar to get my head on straight.
I suspect what you are feeling is homesick. I felt similarly when I moved to Memphis, even though I was back with my own "stuff" and with Wes! I felt bad for feeling homesick for Williamsburg/Virginia because I was back with my husband and dog, and they are my "home," but it was still tough. And conflicting to boot! So *hugs* from Memphis!
ReplyDeleteYou should come up to DC again. I hear they have statues. :)
ReplyDeleteAw, sorry the last few weeks have been rough. Maybe coz you are coming down from having such an awesome holiday and being back in the 'real world'. Hope things start to look up soon!!
ReplyDeletePS How is Game of Thrones going for you? I'm finding it a bit tough. Glad I watched the show first actually, there are so many names and places!
I always find waiting for a big change really tough and unsettling. *hugs* But you'll get through it! And in the meantime, you do have fun things coming up, and fun travel, and that's something to look forward to!
ReplyDeleteI know the things weighing heavily on you are important and life-changing (that's why they're so difficult to process). You have so much to be excited about in life, and there are good things no matter where you go, because the beauty is within YOU. You have my support, as always. Love!
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