Brief Candle

My brother died yesterday. And what more can I say? He was the best big brother in the whole wide world when I was little. He always played with me, while other girls complained that their older brothers were mean to them. He bought me my first ever CD that was all my own: a 98 Degrees album. He taught me who Bart Simpson was. He came to pick me up from camp and we gushed over the new Eve 6 song back in, oh, 1999 or 2000. He played on the high school basketball team and when I was little we went to all the games, just like most everyone in town. My friends and I would crawl around under the bleachers and run amok at concessions and I always felt so cool because my brother was on the basketball team. Then we lost touch for various reasons, and haven't been close in years. I honestly don't remember the last time we spoke to each other. Not that there was any malice between us, just no communication. And now he's gone. And I'll never have another older brother ever again.

We're going to Jefferson City for the funeral early next week. I will finally get to meet his two children, my nephew and niece. My friend Emily said she would come be with me, so hopefully I will get to see her and that will help. I just feel kind of numb.

This has been a harsh summer, first Uncle Jeff, now Cal. Both silly, senseless deaths brought on by an illness that no one thought was too severe. Just when they both seemed to be getting stronger, both health-wise and life-wise. They say things come in threes and now I'm waiting with a sense of foreboding for the other shoe to drop.