To Thine Own Self Be True

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I thought of this quote last night when I said something to my housemate about how I just needed a good night's sleep and then I would wake up and start acting like someone the Abigail underneath all of this would like to be. As soon as I had said the words, "To thine own self be true..." came to mind. It led me to take Betsy in Spite of Herself off the shelf. I read a little bit, and realized that I've been acting like Betsye, not Betsy, for the whole semester. Or rather, Abigaile, not Abigail. I'm trying to make things work that blatantly aren't working, I'm trying to be someone I'm not, and I'm being very unhealthy. I've basically started starving myself to get work done, I'm not enjoying my work, and I'm doing things that I would never normally do out of a desire for an outlet. I've spent most of the semester not hanging out with my real friends due to miscommunication, and with the people I do hang out with I feel like I can't act like myself-- I'm quieter, less silly... just not me. Actually, I'm reminded a lot of sophomore year when I went crazy with drinking, except that lesson has been learned so none of this has to do with alcohol.

I've thus resolved to start fresh this week. I will be someone that I'm proud of being once more. I want to start eating regular meals, talking with people who mean something to me and who love me as I am, and making decisions which I will not regret. I want to make a good start on all of the reading and work I have done, and hopefully to complete most of my assignments due November 9th by November 6th. That is a noble goal: 3 papers and an annotated bibliography, plus reading for Hoffman and a little thesis work. I think I will also make an appointment for a facial at the spa. My skin would probably like a little loving care, and so would I. I will work hard, and I will make time to do things that I want to do-- I will read a chapter a day of a book of my choosing, I will help Kay with her romance novel, and I will write for me, too. I want the chance to be creative again, and the only thing really holding me back is me.
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This weekend was Homecoming! I had a very wonderful time, except got very little sleep. Stephen and I had Andrew, Dan, and Melissa staying at our home, and I loved seeing them. Friday night we had a party. Stephen had originally said we should just have a few alums over for a little while, but word spread and we had a bona fide party on our hands. People that I hadn't seen in months arrived!!! Saturday we had the I.T. show, which was fantastic. We had about 30 people in the show-- so many alums: me and Stephen of course, but also Zach, Flanny, Kilroy, Sallade, Strehle, Lovell, Stack, Hannah, Sam, and many others. I love I.T. Homecoming. Last night I wasn't feeling well, so after a dinner at Retro's, Kacey and I curled up and watched Hocus Pocus on TV. It's one of my favorite Halloween movies, so I was glad to get to see it. Then, I went home, read a bit of Betsy in Spite of Herself, and fell into a long, long sleep.

Now I get to read. Now I get to try to improve my outlook on life.

Also: Congrats to Kay!!!! I hope your show went/is going fantastically! I love you and I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to see it, but I heard that you were wonderful!